TheLostTeddiie

2011-09-05T05:20:00.000+08:00

365 days a year, 366 days per leap year.
Of all dates,
except for 25th December, which is my own birthday.
My favorite date would be 5th September, TODAY!

Why?

1) 5th September 2009, Sunny Chan Ying Chen.
The guy whom I spend 2 weeks with, but let me the deepest impression.
He did alot of things which are similar like those drama relationship male lead.
Making me the happiest girl on Earth at that point of time,
which resulting in me waiting like 3+ Months for him.
Which in the end I gave up, because he had change of heart, or rather, I wasn't his type.

2) 5th September 2010, Koh Sze Enn.
The guy whom I spend 6 months with, which I left for Sunny's best friend : Vincent.
And trying to go back to his side after 6 months of departure.
I couldn't deny that those 6 months with this special guy was the happiest time I ever had.
I couldn't deny that I didn't started out this r/s because I loved him, I was only trying to find someone special.
I couldn't deny that he was the one that I had fallen head over heels with.
I couldn't deny that I was greedy and wanted new elements which he couldn't explore with me.
I couldn't deny that he was the best boyfriend ever and I am the worst girlfriend ever.

and most importantly,

I couldn't deny that I want to go back into his heart.
Just like last year's 5th September.
Restarting everything back to then.

Starting off anew, I'm not going to make anymore mistakes.
Even people say if you love someone, let go of him.
I will never ever let go of you, because you are my world.
I couldn't bear to let you go, because I am extremely scared of losing you.
I had let go of you twice, and I will never let go of you never ever again.

There is only 6 words that are really from my bottom of my heart that I would want you to know.
I love you, Koh Sze Enn.

9x-7i > 3(3x-7u)

2011-08-29T04:55:00.000+08:00

“I love you.” Don’t say that. Just don’t. Because I’ll believe it.
We’ll say all these cute things to each other, and I’ll go to bed smiling every night.
We’ll have those “I love you more” fights.
And then one day you’ll wake up, and decide that you don’t love me anymore.
Just like that, and take it all back.
And don’t tell me you won’t because you will, just like he did.

2011-05-17T18:06:00.000+08:00

I miss you baby.

2011-05-09T19:32:00.000+08:00

对不起
I didn't mean to lie.

2011-04-19T13:38:00.000+08:00

因为知道你为工作烦恼
所以不敢胡思乱想
以免你会烦上加烦
不知这是本愚蠢
还是... haiz

2011-04-11T23:15:00.000+08:00

Another boring day..
woke up and saw my dark panda eyes. O_O
oh my -.-
I had plentiful of sleep already..

ok whatever..
today is totally boring
staring at the stupid computer screen..
going out..
haiz idk want tell V anot..
i scared he angry but idk how tell him
went out with friends.. and kena force to smoke.
I had 2 puffs only
still debating with myself want to tell him anot.
whatever.. idk la..
i wonder what's wrong with V today..
idk but.. i feel abit distant with him ..
perhaps because he too busy bah..
haiz nvm. dunwan think anymore le.

2011-04-10T21:39:00.000+08:00

x.x woke up every 5mins or so..
i dunno what's wrong with me..
then dunno awhile later slept peacefully...
until woke up at 8.20 lidat..
was soon falling asleep but a msg came in at 8.28 :3
then msg awhile before i managed to fall asleep..
wake up.. stare at fb news feed..
stare at computer..
stare at phone..
im bored =.=
oh.. and send in resume to some company
to try see got job opportunities anot
then 3plus.. went to sleep...
5 hrs later.. woken by some phone call..
then realise i missed 2 msg and 1 other call.
对不起，让你担心了

and now =.=
i just want to be immersed into my world of music.
than listen to your irritating voice.
just shut the fuck up la
I alr so fucking vex for this days
and you there super irritating

2011-04-09T23:59:00.000+08:00

:3 today morning wake up early
just to go AMK for briefing..
walao the big boss like tiko sia :3
and davian.. abit smaller size then what i expected
hahahas
then brief until 2.30?
then big boss drive me and nuer over to TPY
then nuer cuz going orchard at 7?
and she dont want to go home yet
so i ask V want let her tag along anot..
then we went cineleisure..
collect our Rio tickets first :3
lols -.- we went basement but alot people queue
so we went to 4th floor..
seriously stupid
the stupid counter guy say can retrieve from 6th floor too
then V wanted go up.. then i go ask.. here can retrieve anot?
then can retrieve =.= stupid right?
can retrieve on 4th floor but 4th floor ask me go 6th floor
retrieve le then we went timezone to play :3
DDR free de leh .. but I no mood play :3
Pump it up.. then some fighting game
2 round midnight tune 4..
i think that's what i spend bah..
then 5 liao O_O
so went for movie..
just nice when enter theater jiu start le
after.. we went xinwang have dinner
fish/beef baked rice..
36 dollars =.=
the gst + service charge alr take up 6 dollars =.=
after dinner we walked down to dhoby ghaut
because.. his phone got problem =.=
when reach there.. they change sim his phone still same..
think his phone problem le bah..
after that we went zone x to arcade again
played my x-men vs street fighter and DDR
and V played his drum para and initial D 3
after he took train home.. reset phone..
and me.. retreating into my shell soon..
perhaps I should go missing in the cyber world for 1-2 days..
I just dont feel like being alive..
Fan zheng, even if 1 day I disappeared
I don't think anyone would have noticed.

I just want to retreat into my own shell

and stop bothering what's going around me..

Perhaps an early night. Haiz.. Good night.

2011-04-08T23:59:00.000+08:00

Today...

finally dunno after how long

his voice is the last voice I hear

before I enter dream land

I just miss it..

busy day for him i say...

for me.. whole day stare computer screen

with nothing to do =.=

2011-04-07T23:59:00.000+08:00

Today quitted my job..

but got 1 psk..

she say she want quit, so i dont feel like working anymore

then lisa like want increase her pay, and she staying on le..

i quitted just because she say she want to quit -.-

ok whatever... time to find new job..

met V for dinner.. actually is V see me eat

-.- very diao right?

ok whatever.. had 猪杂粥

after that went McCafe for cappuccino :D

elva hsiao song LOLs

Elva Girl Bring It On Cuz We Can

Baby Rock It Til’Da Early Morn.
We’Re Gonna Keep It Goin’ Baby
On And On. We Be Holdn’T Down’T
Til’Da Break Of Dawn.
自从他走了以后我的心中
留着不大不小伤口
在这个入秋街头所有感受
我还沉溺在回忆漩涡
有人说爱是种烈酒
会让人失去了左右
Oh Yeah~~
我却对爱有种不同感受
我深深的觉得

它像手中Cappuccino

爱情像Cappuccino
浓浓的眷恋泡沫
诱人的气息
多爱不释手
爱是Cappuccino
苦苦的美丽滋味
藏在我心头久久

Come And Hit Me Baby One More
Time Cuz The Scent Of You Makes Me
Lose My Mind Takin’ Control Of
My Heart With Your Sensuous Style
Makin’ Me Wild Takin’ Me On A
Natural High And You Know…
我也以为我能够
在心碎的时候
转身大步大步就走
在这个微寒气候
坐在咖啡馆中
温柔只能心中虚构
有人说爱是种烈酒
会让人失去了左右
Oh Yeah~~
我却对爱有种不同感受
我深深的觉得
它像手中Cappuccino
爱情像Cappuccino
浓浓的眷恋泡沫
诱人的气息
多爱不释手
爱是Cappuccino
苦苦的美丽滋味
藏在我心头久久
有些事已不想说
有些愁无法形容
只有尝过的人才懂
如果你深深爱过
付出过温柔爱一个人
上瘾了以后思念浓

Cheak1,Cheak2,Cheak3…Listen Baby
Cuz I’m Tellin’ Da Truth. Cuz I’M Getting’ Dazy.
I’M Getting’ Hazy.
The Scent Of You Girl Still Amaze Me,
Baby Faze Me, And Gets Me Crazy.
So Baby Tell Me Is It Infatuation?
Cuz I’M Head Over Heels In This Situation.
So Baby Baby Keep It Goin’ On And On Cuz When It Comes To Love
I’M Known To Be Second To None… So Cheak It…
爱情像Cappuccino
浓浓的眷恋泡沫
诱人的气息
多爱不释手
爱是Cappuccino
苦苦的美丽滋味
藏在我心头久久

Elva Girl Bring It On Cuz We Can Baby Rock It Til’ Da Early Morn.
We’Re Gonna Keep It Goin’ Baby On

We be holdn't it down til'da break of dawn

Sian, just meet for that 30mins

I'm missing his hugs right now. :(

2011-04-06T23:48:00.000+08:00

Sian,
today 6pm had dinner with V
but i was like kinda busy
then V like angry wo ><
I didn't know V cared that much..
oh well, since I know it now...
I should most probably jys :D
reach home like 7plus?
going 8..
so.. switched tv channel
then family nag like hell =.=
whatever, you guys are not even using it.
eating in kitchen.. use what tv?
D: saw my own face at end of 3rd eps..
ah shiit.. i still remember that idiot who provide me the answer
cannot say IDK jiu anyhow hamtum lor :(

argh.. tired and hungry.. but i think i should go to sleep now ><
NIGHTS.

2011-04-05T23:32:00.000+08:00

:D
today went changi airport eat sakae sushi
so.. morning wake 11 plus
V alr wake 10plus le O_O
but i busy doing some stuffs..
so cannot go V house first..
then V 2.30pm come pick me up..
actually is around 2.50.. :x
but all the way V very quiet..
dunno what happened..
so reach there i was trying to get V to talk x.x
ok la, in the end V go speak abit bit...
so went down.. ate..
like less then 10 normal plate
2 red 2 pink 2 green tea
41 dollar in total...
then went walk walk...
went to T3 de zone-x
otw there, saw yeow chong at secret recipe O_O
so got his number from him :3
then go zone x walk walk lor
nothing to play one =.=
so hopped onto the train
and went over to tampines since V said he want go
took train over... and...
went to T1 for pump it up :D
played beethoven virus like siao =.=
then i tried the midnight tune..
and V was checking how to play double..
so he put down his keys on my machine...
after he still cannot find it..
so he continue playing lor
then V tried the double de.. but fail like siao -.-
then i keep play beethoven virus :x
after that we went TM to walk walk...
V go supermarket buy food/drink..
then we went up.. arcade :D
got pump it up and para para leh :D
so we played DDR first..
first round was -Zero-
then after.. V say pants heavy so take out things...
and... V cannot find his bike key O_O
so we ran back T1 to find the key..
luckily the key drop onto floor and is able to retrieve it
phew.. so we went back TM
so was watching V dance the para para
when V dance i was like ... melting LOL..
i just dunno why, i love to see V dance =x
i kisiao one :x
so after we played ddr again :D
dynamite rave... zero... and some other songs.
my stupid board.. like never sensor me lidat -.-
then my marvelous like so freaking pathetic -.-
whatever.. i still continue to turn and turn :D
after that tried playing house of dead 4..
and the lost jungle...
die damn fast =.=
nvm.. then after i still wanted to play 1 more game of ddr before leaving..
so went to top up.. but my 10dollar broken...
so in the end... i used my lucky money T_T
nvm.. worth it :D
after he top up to play para para O_O
then i add in abit more for 1 more game of DDR :3
sian.. he play para para that time keep look at me :3
ppl will shy one la :3
after DDR jiu go home lor...
went toilet to wash up first.. cuz very sweaty =x
took train till eunos then change bus home :D
will be faster then 22/65... and closer :D
then reach home, bath le, he then reach home O_O
later i ransacking my fridge to see what can eat..
cuz I still need wait for my laundry to wash finish...

2011-04-04T23:43:00.000+08:00

First day of telemarketing
so called 222 people..
in which fixed 1 appointment
but based on my 6th sense,
that uncle confirm will not be confirming to meet up de

ok whatever...
after work.. went DDR with nuer...
:D played 1 time pump it up
then 2 time DDR
and.. HE CALLED :D
but :( he thought i will play all the way if he never call..
oh nevertheless... promise him i dont play le..
ah.. had pepper lunch for dinner...
lunch for dinner... O_O HAHAHAHAS.
then after that frown all the way to find out where to take bus home :(
... at bus stop saw swee liang and yvette...
sian :( see them so sweet... dunno soon their 1year anniversary liao..
sometimes, i really dunno..
why some people can really settle down for good?
and why I cant?
because Im still playful? or what?
haiz... nvm bah.. i will let fate play it's part.

2011-04-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

today woke up like 12pm
then V ask me arrive at bugis at 1pm if want lunch tgt..
so rushed down.. arrived abit late..
watch him play the 太鼓の達人
before we went play 1 round of DDR
then we went McDonald for lunch =.=
V like angry i go top up 15dollar and left with no cash..
haiz :( then after lunch he go home
then i go iluma colosseum play comp
until nuer reach iluma..
4plus -.-
went down korkor there..
O_O kor like never wear shirt at home leh :)
but.. wait.. he is single or got gf? =.=
then we waited for him to fix his computer...
then went down play badminton...
kor like kisiao sometimes laugh to himself one =x
after badminton like 6plus..
we went down central eat pastamania :)
i had dory baked rice..
then korkor tell me eat too much cheese not good O_O
ok la.. then end of dinner.. my mouth like tasteless
so i took a pinch of salt and eat it just like that...
then korkor ask me put out my hand..
which he pressed my 'xue wei'
he ask me pain anot..
which infact.. not really pain :)
so i was like.. this for kidney failure isit?
to my kor.. i will always be that childish little girl =.=
after dinner went up to timezone..
stupid games =.=
played Pump it up..
beethoven virus/turkey march/canon in D
and the speaker like machiam scared ppl hear lidat
cannot even hear it.. kns -.-
then after we played 1 shooting game.. i forget the name..
i died... 3 tries...nuer still more pro O_O
after arcade.. we went home le...
sian.. he 10pm then end work :(
ok la.. 10:50 talk to him until 11:30
better then none :)
then he go watch crayon shin chan :(
now 12.. he suppose to go sleep le
haiz i miss him sia :(

2011-04-02T10:30:00.000+08:00

Went out with nuer ytd
played around 8games of ddr :)
then dinner around 8plus
had Ebiboshi Shotengai de half shell scallop teppenyaki set
nuer so suay, the water poured green tea on her
luckily cold drink not hot drink.
but then her bag wet.. inside still got ice sia.
after send her on bus.. went home...
then V say he alr otw 0_o
sian so fast... i tot V lesson till 10.30pm
nevertheless met for a little while..
but V like angry me keep go arcade this whole week
ok la i dont go anymore, unless he ask me :)
then went home sleep,
i know V whole day sentosa alr tired like mad le :)

Today morning V taking driving test at 10am
ask me go breakfast at 9am :)
sweet of V to do so..
cuz V dont eat much for breakfast..
now waiting for his test finish..
see V got any plans for the day anot.

(Cont. at 12.24am)
V asked me go AMK eat dinner.. :)
then i suggest movie too
so we met around 6.50 at AMK cathay.
went dunno which blk to eat his western.. chicken chop :)
9plus watch world invasion.
cuz Hop is like no more seat + too rush.
V wanted smuggle Koi but the queue too long :(
I wanted smuggle Old Chang Kee but my sotong gone :(
Then in the end bought 2 drinks
sprite and f&n grape
kns i ask them sprite without ice they give me ice
make me shiver through the movie...
but.. if they didnt give me ice..
i wun have a better excuse for V to hug me :)
but kelian V also cold :(
Movie was World Invasion : Battle Los Angelas

Sometimes, I wish V he would give me goodbye kiss :(
Or not so low profile..

2011-04-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

Happy April's Fool.

2011-03-31T23:59:00.000+08:00

Sian today wake up late
didnt go for OBS interview T_T
then met nuer at iluma for 2 games of DDR
before heading to her company
bought Old Chang Kee
long time never eat le :D
the squid wing or something lidat :D
reach her company i nervous liao
interview liao lisa (boss?) say everything should be okay
just need to double confirm only :D
then i wait for monday to start work.. 1pm at office meet lisa
then nuer feeling giddy so she knock off early
cuz she cannot so early return home
so we slacked at the nearby macdonalds
took some light snack again :)
then we headed down to iluma
another 2 rounds of DDR..
after we went up for the car thingy..
then went down for another round of DDR..
then went up for 1 hr of colosseum :D
played audi and L4D..
i play less then 5mins i dizzy like mad..
feel like puking alr -.-
then after we went down to play 2 last games of DDR :D
wah i DDR siao liao la..
all zero or dynamite rave or kiss kiss kiss or doll or xepher
just only haven get aaa or aa or a nia :p
after that jiu return home
called V awhile before his taiwan friend called him :(
then wait for V ask me call him lor...
chatted awhile nia.. then jiu 12 alr..
V need go sleep or else tml he 6.30 wake..
sure not enough sleep again de :(
then eye red red.. and look sleepy :(

ahh shiit i need to get going to sleep le or else V angry
(the exact time now is 2.11am)

Nights readers. :) -xoxo-

2011-03-30T13:36:00.000+08:00

Yesterday so hectic..
After work.. chiong home to bath...
then chiong to dhoby meet nuer play DDR..
then 9plus chiong home bath again..
then chiong down toa payoh meet V. :)
watch guo ji jiao yi suo with V on xinmsn :)
then went to sleep around 1plus..
V say my greenbean lotus root soup ok ok la. -.-
morning wake 6plus..
kelian V didnt sleep enough
cuz V very easy wake.. then perhaps i keep wake him
but V still pei-ed me eat breakfast.

No matter is V going to bluff me anot
im still a stupid girl :)
lies or not im going to believe in V.
Pain or fake..
Did before or never..
I dont care. Because i still believe V.
I love V. thats why im scared to lose V.
its like haven really start then lose.
the worse thing ever.

I just want to love V as long as V lets me to do so.

After wake up from his house,

took train till Jurong East MRT.

then when i reached there i was so freaking tired

that i took bus 51 home. -.-

then reach home sleep and slack awhile

then jio nuer and tuzi go out

we went iluma.. arrived there around 3plus?

played DDR Jubeat and the car things and the drum thingy..

so freaking tired =p

zero xepher kiss kiss kiss doll and a few more songs.

so V msg me around 6 ask me go for dinner at marina =p

tuzi vegetarian, then nuer sick and dont feel like eating

so i went over alone.. and had long john for dinner with V =p

then walk around... to suntec..

stopped by the puzzle shop...

then toy 'R' us and the arcade =p

played my fav.. X-men vs street fighter..

managed to kill apocolypse =p

then V played house of dead 4.. so pro @.@

then we went down.. mac there buy ice cream cone..

then went to fountain there sit awhile before i took the bus home

tiring day for both of us.. but sweet for me :)

Wo Ai Ni. :)

2011-03-29T00:06:00.000+08:00

Was planning to go out with nuer, Kyra :)
then V msg me to go lunch with him at Orchard Cineleisure
I thought lunch only cuz I thought he still working
so went down thinking eat finish go iluma find nuer
didnt know someone pei-ed me the whole day after that.

had KFC for lunch :)
then went timezone to play :)
pump it up / ddrx / jubeat / midnight racing / and some fighting game :)
while playing DJ Technika nuer appeared :)
then we continue playing ddr and pump it up until we all nua :)

then nuer say want buy screen protector
cuz the person who sold her her screen protector
didnt give her what she wanted
so brought her dhoby ghaut toy out post to look at joel's cabinets
then we went for the arcade :) think is virtual land or star factory.
we played bishi bashi tower :) and x-men vs street fighter

after that I still itching for ddr/pump it up.
so we went down to the arcade beside j-cube

played initial d 3, pump it up, ddrx, and abit para para paradise 2
initial d 3 i played with V.. but lose him.. cuz I noob driver =p
pump it up and ddrx i just random play any song =p
then the para para.. watch V play lor..
while we both girls sit behind talk secrets =p
then everytime V turn to look at us we there smile smile.
wahaha :) I was looking at V play his para
nuer was watching the guy on the right.. playing ddrx
that guy sibei pro... but.. i still rather watch V play para =p
after V finish para para.. i pei nuer go toilet
and buy tissue.. cuz V was sweating all over with all that para
after came back we play ddrx but V dunwan play :(
but ... he got me hooked onto the song : Zero :)

That time was around 8 plus le..
V scared i hungry :) so ask me go eat
then forget dhoby got what nice...
so ask them they at bugis go home okay ma..
since all okay we went for the wanton mee...
near chuan yi pin de. :)

I ate shui jiao mian.. nuer ate wanton mee.. and V ate.. fried chicken smth :)
after eating.. he tell me he actually not hungry =.= only scared i hungry
then nuer say she can 1 whole day dont eat also can...
F5 / ;wild
pian wo gan qin =p

we 3 eat around 16++
then i ask V take 20 from my wallet to pay.
then V put back 10 into my wallet F5 / ;wild
then after i return him.. cuz idw him munch bread
cuz I know I enough to eat for the month.
but his pay like 1 mth later like me..
but i can get money more easily then him.. :)

sian miss him alr sia :(
nvm now on phone with him :) ltr going play audi with him :)

2011-03-28T00:47:00.000+08:00

Was doing something on my phone before I bath and sleep..

and got a phone call from someone..

asking me go take a letter from my letter box :)

My mum gave me 5 mins to go retrieve 'it'

then i chiong down..

just at my corridor.. someone.. appeared :)

Surprising me in such a way that I never expected.

Thank you for meeting me in that few minutes

Actually wanted to pon tml..

but the sugar intake that you give me :)

is so fabulous that it just energize me immediately.

Tml your first day of work,

and you took the time to come down to meet me for that few minutes

and you wasted your petrol to drive to my side to surprise me :)

It just makes me love you more. :) ^_^

2011-03-27T03:13:00.000+08:00

I'm going to start afresh on this day.

This had dragged too long. :)
Now I found a good reason that why I want to leave Enn. :)

On 5th September 2009 that was when I first met/know V.
  I still remember he was wearing blue contact lens and a white shirt.
  Don't say I idiot. I remember my bf(ex-bf) was wearing
  a black white hoodie and white long sleeve shirt.
  The way they played the Para Para Paradise. Both sweated like hell.
  Sad that I forget to say bye to V and N that time.
  Cuz I was only half awake.

On 13th March 2011 that was when we started to talking each other.
  You started talking to me on Sanford's issue.
  Soon it was between me and my bf. (ex-bf for now)

On 19th March 2011 that was when you asked me out :)
  Our 2nd time meeting. But my first time getting to know you.
  Char kuay teow at Marine parade Hawker center.
  Just find it sweet to know that you wanted to eat that, Just like I did.
  Then after playing of Pump It Up at Timezone. And the basketball.
  It was very sweet of you to wait for me
  to board the bus before you board your bus.

On 22th March 2011 that was our 2nd dinner together,
  Claypot rice at clementi. Thank you for that wonderful night.
  Which you brought me to West coast, Just because I felt like it.
  Thank you for lending me your shoulder to rest since I was tired,
  and giving me that light peck at the car park.
  Thank you for accompanying me the whole night,
  and sending me to my 11th floor lift lobby.

On 23th March 2011 that was our 3rd dinner together.
  We met at bishan, and you brought me to eat chicken rice. :)
  And waiting for me to finish playing my JuBeat.
  Accompanying me at the community center playground
  which holds alot fine memories for me.
  Walking 2 bus stop distance just to take the games..
  plus a french kiss. :)

On 25th March 2011 that was the first time I went to your house,
  and met Pika :3 for the first time.
  Looking at you play your Resident Evil 5,
  It was sweet of you to ask me did I get giddy.
  Watching your game play expression,
  until you finished the chapter and ask me where I want to dine at.
  Drove me to simpang bedok for tang tea house coffee shop's
  cajun chicken and fish & chips.
  And surprising me by bringing me to Changi beach. Sitting by the sea,
  hearing the waves clash on the beach, looking at the numerous stars,
  telling me your logic of the world's outer layer.
  11plus driving me home and wait for me to bath
  and pack to go over your house to stay overnight.
  And accompanying me, and never went for your Zouk instead.

On 26th March 2011 that was the first time I wake up with you beside.
  Sorry that I was clumsy and dropped your phone in the morning.
  Thank you for sacrificing your sleep for my hunger.
  Thank you for helping me carry that heavy bag of mine. :)
  Bringing me to iluma, having takoyaki and 我爱台妹.
  Going to Arcadia and watch me play JuBeat.
  And playing the drum thingy.
  Finding a song that I like. 天国と地獄 & 夏祭り

  And playing the doreamon theme and william tell twice..
  just because I have STM
  Playing the DDRX with me.. 3-4 times. :)
  It was fun, I was shy to try, but you pumped up my courage.
  And I keep wanted to play it. :)
  Thank you for hugging me when I was cold in the movie theather
  and not using my last 50 for the popcorn.. and using your own money..
  which might result you in eating bread till your 1st pay day comes.
  Thank you for waiting my bus 63 with me.
  And not immediately walk to your bus stop.
  Which is dunno how far away.

I always had considered alot of factors before falling for someone, especially age.
But this time, I didn't consider anything, it was all my gut feelings.
I just want to try be the cup of tea that you love.
If you are serious about drinking this cup of tea.
This tea shall improve for you. :)
Promises might be made to break,
but I definitely will not break any promises.
Because, I Love You.

But I'm wondering are we officially together? 0_o
Officially or not, It doesnt really matters to me.
Because all I want you to know that.

I love you,
and I don't expect you to love me because I don't think I deserve you,
but I definitely will hope that you love me.

Simply speaking. I just want to love you.
I will try giving you all I have, please give me time for that.

2011-03-08T01:56:00.000+08:00

Talking about respect...

True that I do disrespect you on facebook,
But don't you do disrespect me on your blog?

My facebook are limited to my friends,
while your blog is for everyone to see.
The whole world knows what a lousy gf you have,
while only my friends will know.
Those who really bother about what is going in my life..
will ask me what happen and I will tell them the bad AND the good.

So who is the one doing the most damage?
The whole fucking world knows you have a lousy gf,

that's why people will 'like' you to be single,
while my friends will never 'like' my single status.

Your friends are so nice to you,
perhaps you should break up with me to make them happy,
since they 'like' you being single so much.

It is not because my friends don't bother to look at my relationship status.
Is because they know that you ain't such a jerk as I have described in FB.
And they only know how to 'like' when I'm in a relationship.
Not when im single or other status.

Ask yourself 1 simple question.
When did you last write something positive that is regarding me?
(to make things simple, lets just say, something regarding me,
which is not written in fit of angry or emo-ness)

FB:
I last wrote it on 22nd feb on my fb. of (I ♥ my Bf. :) 22 February at 04:26)

And you?
10th Oct, with ( 10/10/10 10:10 ♥ 10 October 2010 at 11:10 )

So who is disrespecting who?

BLOGGER:
I last wrote it on : Saturday, February 12, 2011 ; 12:50AM
If to be more strict : Monday, January 31, 2011 ; 7:14AM
(I'm lazy to copy what i wrote, because that is only the 2nd and 3rd post...
or rather the 3rd and 4th post on my page.)

your blog?
Cafe Oliv : Monday, November 29, 2010 POSTED BY ZEE AT 8:21 PM
Cuz you mentioned me which never say anything emo or in angry except burning hole your wallet

But if to be abit more strict : Saturday, November 13, 2010 POSTED BY ZEE AT 7:52 AM
Cuz you mentioned : I love you.

But if want to be more strict : Monday, October 25, 2011 POSTED BY ZEE AT 4:11 AM
This was the last time you ever mentioned going out with me
(which was not in angry or emo-ness)

So who exactly is disrespecting who?

Go count how many positive post I have regarding of you in my facebook or blog.
I bet that they alone, are more then your facebook + your blog.

It is not that I don't know how to appreciate things you have done for me.
Neither did you even appreciate things I have done for you.

So what do you want of me?
Me to take all the blame?
You are not even taking up your side of the blame,
you are just making excuses.

You are just saying 'everything is my fault'
not because you really think that that is your fault.
but rather, to make me to say 'sorry'.

I'm starting to think, are we REALLY in a relationship?
A relationship shouldn't work like this.
You are not that guy that I used to know.

2011-03-07T02:09:00.000+08:00

Want to know?
I'm so fucking unhappy with you RECENTLY.

Oh well, so when I call you when Im kinda sad
you tell me you watching soccer, and you'll call me back
and after when I have waiting like 3hours
you didn't even bother msg-ing me, or even giving me a call.
you just write : School starts once again... Time for bed. on your facebook
so.. am i right to say that im starting to be unimportant?
want me to list down further?
yes you did talk to me on msn today, but what happened after?
if talking to me is a fucking waste of time, i dont need you to talk to me

when we went out on 5th, you rather play your game correct?
how wide is the MRT carridge? you cannot even see me?
oh, so who were you expecting?
im regret to ask you out..
besides someone is so busy and tired until he forgot the dates?
not the date is important, but it was something special to me..
i lean against you, and you cannot put your arm over me?
when i said im cold, you didnt even bother?
takoyaki is more important?
or you busy trying to hold down a chair?
which will not be difficult...

isit just me, or you dont realise
that our conversations are getting lesser and lesser shorter and shorter
and our dates are lesser and lesser

isit me, or you dont realise
that you have changed?
last time when you know you'd be busy,
you will try to accompany me before you start to get busy
now, you know that you'll be busy because of school
but you rather watch soccer...
well, i nothing much to say..
if you dont bother, there is no point for me to care about it..

dont keep say that you been trying and i keep anyhow think
if you didnt do anything misleading would i anyhow think?

2011-02-12T00:50:00.000+08:00

there are somethings that i regret that i have done
like say, 01/08/10,
I regret that I didnt give him time longer enough
like what i done with randy,
i gave more time to randy for me to get over his over reaction
but i didnt give more time to sanford for me to get over his over-stress
reason wise i didnt give because i was jio-ing my kor somehow or other
but yet i did not regret not giving the chance thou
i got to spend 1mth plus with my kor
i got to know more about my kor
i got to have my kor being there for me for 1mth
i got to know extranicenoodles
i got to have a 5mth long relationship with extranicenoodles

my dearest boyfriend,
im sorry to have given you so much insecurities recently
it is not i dont love you
it is just i dont like doing the same things too much
and it's getting abit boring between us both
no im not getting bored about you
its just that i love fun adventure and new things
and you dont have passion for my passions
i cant ask you to do my favourites things with me
but im willing to do your favourite things with you

I NEED YOUR VOICE,
but i dont need our old topics
we've like nothing much to say exactly
hmpff, 11th storey, lalala, draw (something), grow (something), emoing

im sorry,
i dont want you to miss me so much or else you'll suffer when you in NS
i dont want you to get hurt because of me
i dont want you to think that im not caring about you, I do, but i dont know how to express it

i want to tell you that nothing will ever go on between me and justin or other guys
even so is just joking/fooling around.

i know that you love me, and i want to tell you that i love you too
im so happy to be able to spend so many special days with you
our 5th unofficial anniversary, our 4mth official anniversary,
We might not be able to spend our first valentines together
but i know that my heart will be beside yours.
besides, there are so much more valentines in the future.

I want you, to voice out everything, and not keep anything from me.

I just want to say, I LOVE YOU.

2011-01-31T07:14:00.000+08:00

I just smile like a idiot
when I think of all OUR happy memories..
I love you.

2011-01-30T04:54:00.000+08:00

I might not act girlish, I might not dress feminine
I'm still a female no matter what,
every female craves for sweetness every now and then,
why can't you just be NOT wooden sometimes?

I don't request for a ALWAYS,
just a simple NOW AND THEN.

Ting asked me, how would you like your guy to 'hong' you.
I replied, Just every now and then, not often but not never.
Perhaps not a : Wake le..
but more like a : Good Morning Baobei

perhaps a surprise sometimes, or some sweet wordings

they might be known as sweet nothing but it aint that nothing at all

Some words might not mean much to you, but it mean much to me.
ITS JUST SOME WORDS.
a simple word might send me smiling even though im pissed
but yet another simple word will send me bawling when im having fun
just a different tone and usage of words meaning the same thing
why can't it just come out of your mouth.

Just a small thing, and now it seems like you're trying to pick a quarrel with me.

I love you for who you are, I dont want you to change
I just only want some more obvious sweet stuff every now and then
so I can go grinning from ear to ear endlessly.
its something i call... TMM.. tian mi mi.
not like me saying, hand dunno how auto,
then you then move your hand around me.

like what i saw on xinmsn
Every female, secretly wants flowers, chivalry, the full romantic nine yards.

Seriously..

2011-01-06T07:14:00.000+08:00

I don't want to hide any feelings le
Idw because of my stubborness make me lose anything else

recent feelings:
the moment I sms-ed you are you free tml
I don't really expect a reply even thou
i put general and near my ear incase i fell asleep.
because after I sent out, it wasnt my decision anymore
but i was more cheerful because it was still a ray of hope

I squirm at the thoughts of how tough life might be
It takes alot effort to change
im not scared that things are tough
im just scared the reason i'm tough for
might disappear on it's own someday

i know that 3 terms, is not for yourself

is for me, for me to change better

it was also kind of change what impression
i'm giving to people around me

but, i just want to change for you, not for other reason

its not i cannot change, is im scared
if just because of 1 mistake and
you dont give me yet another chance
i dont mean the recent, i mean if there is another in the future
like if i changed slightly, but yet i made a mistake somewhere..
humans always needed chances, im not perfect
yet practise takes time

like, if i fall on my 1st time learning bike
and i keep falling because of different reasons
and yet after falling once or twice
my body don't want let my brain to
have that sastifactory feeling of learning to ride a bike
i know how dejected my brain would be

but if my body always give my brain a chance to learn
even with all the bruises it will soon have that feeling of
the wind blowing onto the skin having a shiok feeling

if you used my facebook
you realise i have a few notes that are private to myself
my kor did wanted me to change better
i know that, i scared when i system restore my comp
i lose all those valuable words

but i just had insecurity.. because of my past
it wasnt really your fault, it was mine all along
i was just scared, i know i can trust you
but, my brain just back track into those horoscopes
besides, it was the 1st time you really requested..
it really felt weird, or truthfully, scary

i always knew i dunno how to show you i love you
but i just found a way to show my loved ones how i love them,
by just doing the best in what i should do.
i know that will really bring a peace to my mum's mind

i now only worry if i changed
into a person that aint like me anymore
would you still love me?
i know it's pointless to ask at this time since nothing has moved on
but, with time passes, changes comes too.
btw, im a person with 三分钟热度
so i just hope sometimes you can just cut me some slack

2011-01-05T12:27:00.000+08:00

As I was squirming to get to sleep last night,
I know the amount of hurt that we could sustain if we continue,
I know it is the best for us currently,
but I just cannot put down this relationship yet, not now,
I don't like the way you leave things hanging,
I still had so much things that I didn't do for you,
Similarly you have not fulfil every words you said.
you're the best bf I could wish for,
deep down I know no one could compare up to you
that's why I refuse to let you know how important you were.
I didn't want you to know how much I would breakdown,
I didn't want you to know how much I rely on you.
a 4month relationship, the longest I had yet so far,
No amount of riches can make me trade it.
you were my dream come true this 4mths,
if this was a dream I wish to never be able woke up.
I rather hope it was a mutual decision
then a selfish decision on your part.
A decision that you think is best,
might not be really best since you do not know what I want.

2011-01-05T03:30:00.000+08:00

I thank you for those/that

-nights at 11th storey
-dinner with my family
-days at star factory with the JuBeat machine
-night with the orh, hanzi, hmpff cute chats
-days at east coast park
-day with my friends at marina square shabu shabu
-day at republic polytechnic for the magic show
-day at changi airport eating sakae sushi
-days at your house
-dinner at your house
-otah you made for me
-dates at Cafe oliv
-dates at Ikea
-day at suntec toy 'r' us
-day which you dabao beef noodle give me
-day which you dabao prawn and chicken wing you bbq-ed
-cares and corcerns you have for my life
-pizza we shared
-day at bedok reservoir
-way you tried to open the china apple drink
-way that you looked at me
-way you hugged me
-way you tried to disiao me when i hugging your arm
-way you always tried to blow my ears
-way you always made me happy
-way you always tried to say you are at fault
-way you loved me
(if i tried typing more, my page will be filled so i stop at here)

thankyou for withstanding that 1mth period that i was in hk

I want you back,
I miss all those..
most importantly,
i miss you, koh sze enn
haiz, but i know your mind is made up..
i just wish i am in the place of the republic student that was hacked.

I didnt want you to know that you were really important
little did i know, you forgot those words i told you at the bus stop.

2011-01-05T01:34:00.000+08:00

I'm confused now,
the guy that i thought who loved me most - sunny
the 1st guy in my relationship with a breakpatch 3mths - dennon
the guy to hold onto until 1mth - xavier
all i had a good reason to let go
for you, i dont know,
you didnt cheat on me, you gave me all you could, you aint a fucking bastard

i don't really know
before those words came out,
my heart plunged,
tears came out fast that i had to run into my room to get sanctuary
you were my world
because i knew,
i just lost you in a flash
all because of my wilderness

i still remember watching 海派甜心
asking why they dunwan say their heart feelings
i now understand why, because something holds them back
and in the end, things got haywire...

i guess things are the way now
if i could turn back the time
i'd try to be a better person
not throwing so many tantrums and so..
because i regret that, our 4 mths
inveitably brought you to think of your past relationship..

saying all this is useless..
time never go back,
i cnt change to past
neither do i change your mindset
friends? ya i wun delete you
but i will mia.

we both have misunderstood each other
you thought i am still sad or angry when i didnt talk to you
i thought you were angry when you didnt talk to me

you rather regret now then in the future?
who would know what happens in the future?
after all those ordeals, a 4mth relationship... is just so weak

just when you thought your life was right
life just have to screw you up down left right everywhere

just when i truely love you
you just have to breakup..
no one could bring those joy to my heart
no one.. is like you
i miss all those orh, hanzi, hmpff
though it was stupid, but it was cute

but nevertheless, it was all my fault.

where to find someone better then you?
teach me or kill me.

it just fucking hurts so much...

2011-01-04T19:58:00.000+08:00

Life never turns around,
no matter how much I dont want to leave
I dunno how to salvage the situation
it seems ur mind is already made up.

it'll hurt me more then any past relationship did.
but i'll try to stay strong.
to keep my words of not crying if breakup.

Day 1 I told you
I'll not leave you, unless you don't want me anymore
This should be game over i think..
Sorry for all those misery
对不起

I love you but
I'm such a bad girlfriend
tantrums, misunderstanding
jumping to conclusions,
restraining your life
sorry for everything i did
you can have your life back
your fire spinning, your bff
your time, your money, everything.
I should leave you, so you will not be miserable anymore.

2011-01-04T01:38:00.000+08:00

Just read through again.

1) Isn't just me, or is this a irony?

a)I told you even when I'm busy I'll still try to reply you if I notice

b)that I don't really like to reply when I'm outside,

especially when I'm walking around or busy with something

So which sentence am I supposed to believe?

3) So you meant...

I go out with my friends, religion things etc.

Granted

At least I don't do anything which would be a threat to you, or our relationship.

I did something that is a threat to you, or out relationship?

2) Don't ever ask me figure out,

I'm not gonna tell you why, you go figure it out by yourself.
Its just something I came across by chance as well, not once, but a few times.

Its like giving you a very very serious mathematics question
and you can never solve it, and I ask you go solve it..

4) My fault?

but in the situation of a "wait a while ah" every 2-3 minutes,
and "back, what you say just now?", whats the point?

So who is the one who nearly every time is;
a) using toilet ( god dam use the toilet before you even call)
b) playing some piano pieces ( you'd feel the same when I'm Mapling )

and usually if i could walk away,
I try to go to lie down on my bed when talking to you.

5) So someone should be more happier with friends.

I hate it when you keep on comparing yourself with her.
I don't crap loads with her, I crap even more loads with my other friends.
Its just random things we see and comment

So shouldn't someone ask me to leave his life?

6) So you referring to my smoking and pontang?

Trust. I don't wanna say this,
but have you ever thought of how many times
you broke my trust already?
I just don't want to say anything cause it'll bring more conflict,
and that I already got used to it.

For god sake, I only smoke socially nowadays,
and I made that deal with your fire about my school.
If you aint referring to those, NAME IT.

7) So you meant I'm unreasonable?

a) So much things have happened and

I've to apologize be it its really my fault or you being rebellious.

b) You quarrel back at any views that doesn't tally with yours, and spark conflict.

You think that's communication?

At least when you say your views, I try to take in, unless its too negative.

Are you so freaking sure that I don't accept other people views?

8) Everything I do is meaningless to you.

Understanding, you find topics to talk just to understand me.
Not wrong, but what of it?
You understand materialistic things about me,
but what bout my feelings when you do things?

You'll never understand a person if he ain't open to you.

9) So you mean I'm materialistic?

I understand you will be happy if I do something,
I do it, be it download stuffs for you, bring you out for dinner etc.
I can only do some fundamental things,
I can't do everything, and I will never understand you completely.
Even you yourself don't understand you completely.

Back to 7, since I don't understand myself completely
how could you expect me to understand your feelings?

10) What's so wrong?

Then you call me 6 hours later, say this say that,
say online friend straight jiu ask you go in play maple ma,
so its just my imagination that there's something wrong?

Can't i owe my friend big time like how you did?

11) Isn't it the same for you too?

You have your good friends ma, so where will even care about me?

It has always been like this.

Whenever you have your maple friends le,

you would rather bother about them than care about me until you free.

So when I normally go out with my friends, you expect me to always have the time?

I always had been ready to dump time for my friends for you.
If you want to have my time you just have to ask.

12) We are 2 different humans with different actions and priorities.

This is not tit for tat, when you're out,
you also won't really want to talk or text while walking ma.

This is where you don't understand me too.

So What Do You Want From Me NOW?
kowtow and say sorry?

If you want me to apologize
yes I'm really sorry, for the fact that
I really did maple until I really neglect you

but didn't you also neglect me when you are out with your friends?
I go 'out' on cyber with my 'friends' ain't that the same too?
If I'm at fault, doesn't it make you at fault too?
It always takes 2 hands to clap, doesn't it?

2011-01-03T02:48:00.000+08:00

MR KOH SZE ENN PLEASE DO NOT LOOK AT THIS POST

I know he loves me,
through the things he did for me
but idk i love him anot,
cuz im only moving by the flow,
and not doing anything to show him i love him.
idk how show
im not rich i cnt show anything by value
i cnt fulfil his wishes
i cnt even help him in anything
im utterly useless

im a bad gf, the worse, the lousiest gf on earth.
it was never ur fault from the beginning, it was always mine
everything i've done only made you upset.
i only brought misery to your life
im selfish, self concentrated, childish, immature.
or simply said, not suitable to be in a relationship

sometimes i wish im dead
or i never met him at all
so i would not have brought any misery into his life.
maybe i should back off

so that he can find someone better then me.

2011-01-02T22:09:00.000+08:00

we both have neglected each other when we are with friends
but at least i said im sorry for neglecting someone
not like someone give me excuses about
chef in charge/sleeping/supper whatever reason

wake up in the morning also never msg me
so i deduce that you are busy and do not bother you when i online FB/MSN

so you can go have your tea/movies anything with ur bff
i cannot go play maple with my bffs?

when you out with your friends, you also didnt bother to msg me when it only takes 10secs
so why do you expect me to have the time when i mapling with my friends?

since when have you apologized sincerely?
after i say i go down to see any car that cannot brake in time
you then try to call or probe?

if im not wrong
the 1st person to be busy with stuffs AINT ME
is you, so this is tit for tat
you say im wrong for whining
so now you finally understand what am i whining about
you whine that im the person at fault?

it is not day 1 you know me
you should know im always waiting for you to initiate.

since you say i wun admit if it is my fault
So you mean im unreasonable?
ok lor im unreasonable
i now bky everything you do, happy?
Im always right and im the emperor dowager
so now royal decree is you cannot go out with friends
:D royal decree you said it

2011-01-02T19:05:00.000+08:00

Maybe perhaps now you might understand how i felt when you are busy

But it seems like

when you are too busy to chat it is alright

and yet when im too busy to chat it is hypocrite

what's so freaking wrong?

your life is ur religion, ur passion, reality

my current life is Maple, cyber
what is so freaking wrong with cyber?

seems like everytime im the one finding a freaking topic
and yet when just now i talk to you finding a freaking topic
either you aint interested or you dont even bother
so the longer that conversation goes on the worse things will get

everytime you can only send me a zai gan ma
den a few msg ltr will be a orh, and sooner will be a hanzi
and i wonder why ur topics with me is repetitive
while yet someone can crap loads with his bff.

how many times have i neglected you?
how many times have you neglected me?
how many times did you apologize for neglecting me?
speak for yourself.

to me rs is 3 things, trust communication and understanding

he betrayed my trust, he dont understand me, he dont communicate with me, 

i try communicate by asking him call me before sleep if free, 

i try find topics to chat, i try to understand him, 

i try to let him know all my friends so he can trust me
 
Everything is worthless, because everything I do is wrong.

2010-12-29T06:02:00.000+08:00

Maybe awhile ago
i couldnt bear to give up this relationship
yet on the other hand i couldnt bear with A SINGLE LIE
so i decided to vanquish so i do not need to bother
you said it : Never go your way you try to escape
but now, i rather face it, and break with you
i rather give up this relationship
then give up my own life, my friends, my family
and my friend who i just discussed what type of
maple hair will i change to after resistance is out
friends who care like tuzi,

maybe you are sick of me
maybe i hold a rein too tight
maybe just maybe you are better off with someone else

i do not want to be in your way anymore
neither do i want the past to haunt me

you said choose whatever you want
i shall chose to break off.

2010-12-29T03:10:00.000+08:00

maybe i spoke to harshly
and im gonna put it simpler and more in detailed
all i meant was

you can visit your friend steam anytime anywhere
like when you're on the way home
it is not asif someone would die if you replied late

it was 10pm, you at most have 90 more minutes to be with me
so, maybe bearing 90 more minutes will kill someone?

how would you feel if im sms-ing someone
talking on the phone with someone
busy and so engross-ed with my phone?
i mean, i walked till the end of the block all in your sight
and you are so engrossed with your friend steam
until you didnt even noticed that im gone?
i mean WOW, if im kidnapped instead
idk who i can depend on anymore
or do you supposed im going to wriggle out of those ropes
and crawl home like all those movies does?
and since you are so engrossed to look at your phone
and dont want to look at or talk with me for an extra second
then dont tell me you miss me because you dont cherish

im sorry for running/walking away like this
as long i remember i will not do that again

its your life, i do not want to restraint you
you are free to leave anytime you want
does those words you said on 24th,
was actually referring to you that cant stand me anymore?

everytime i told you i going out with friend
i meeting with my ex, i doing smth
you just answered me with a "Orh"
that sounds like, ok whatever, but i dont want you to go
i quit contacting so many guy friends
FRIENDS.
i free-ed myself everyday just to wait for you to ask me out
while someone is so happily outside entertaining friends
im at home waiting for a msg or call or know that somone is thinking of me.
and sometimes, this someone is so busy that he couldn't spare 1minute

THIS ALL, WILL BE A PAST,
THIS ALL, WILL NEVER APPEAR AGAIN.

2010-12-29T01:32:00.000+08:00

Lets make things simple,
well if you dont bother to cherish,
the little amount of time we have together,
dont bother to say you miss me,
becuz that is just so hypocrite.
you never know when you might not,
be able to see me so often again.
your friendstream will always be there
but i might not always be there.

2010-12-27T11:40:00.000+08:00

want me to sleep early
yet someone doesnt let me know that he is safely home
from 11pm sleep, now become from 2am then sleep
if you think im keeping a tight rein over you,
just say so, i will stop caring alr
so maybe I should stop caring,

because you dont even care that I care,

how about me going out until the wee hours

and not even a single msg?

A freaking msg only takes less then 30 secs

or maybe i should go out with my friends until dam late

maybe that would let you realise how do i feel.

yes im freaking angry

if i dun care that you care aint u angry too?

and stop repaying so called kindness

your methods of repaying -.-

are very meaningless, seriously

if you are angry that

im criticising your methods

so be it.

im not caring anymore.

2010-12-26T11:43:00.000+08:00

I loved my gifts..
Jayne - pair of mickey/minie plushies + hair lotion?
Baobei - fountain pen from Parker
Family - 2 perm marker 1 pouch 4 pens..
should go vandalise smth now :D

2010-12-17T12:50:00.000+08:00

for the past 3months
any dining outside that ain't kopitiam
the only person that could set the mood for me
is only you.
maybe, it is because for the past 3 months
you have been bringing me out for dinner
until i gotten used to you dining with me.

in my point of view
yes maybe i am quarreling with you about something
but, you never know i understand the incident anot.
i might be childish, but i am understanding..
i do complain, but its not as thou i don't understand deep down

i wonder, why are we quarrelling so often nowadays

i don't wish to quarrel, i don't want to quarrel

but i rather you voice out everything, and lets quarrel
then keep quiet, and cold war
a quarrel might be heartbreaking, but it doesnt last long,
but casualties of a quarrel is minimized but it last so long
i long for your msg and call everyday..
and since topics are nearly the same,
i rather quarrel/debate with you.
at least we have smth to talk about..

wo ai ni

2010-12-14T01:53:00.000+08:00

So contradictive,
when I got initiative to msg, you dont reply,
When I dont msg, you say i no initiative.
I wonder if I never accidentally call/msg
would u even know how to msg.
It doesnt take you 1hour to msg a simple msg,
just a simple 10 seconds,
dont tell me you've no time to spare.
Things are never just about Me,
sometimes is We or You, not always I.
You'll never understand.
You only know how to 'angry'
when you wake up in the morning
and find me online msn,
you never ask me reason of
WHY am I still awake.
I dont know what I want either,
Im just unhappy that you cant even spare 10 seconds.
If you dont have enough sleep,

Why are you still awake at 2am in the morning?

2010-12-10T10:10:00.000+08:00

So many million of ways to express I Love You,
I do not know which way can get to your heart.

3 Months we had known each other,
2 Months we had been official.

The times spent with you,
Are the happiest, the best ever since.

Even dreaming of you,
Can spark off a smile in my heart.

I never will be able to forget,
This smile you brought into my life.

My 1st relationship that stepped into the second month,
An relationship that i hope that can really last forever.

Thank you for not giving up,
On our relationship, on me.

I always been scared to lose you
because i know, out there, there is no one like you.

Therefore, I want to tell you.
I Love You, Koh Sze Enn.
Loving you more then anything else on this world.

2010-12-09T03:09:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, i just realise,
i give ppl stress/pressure unintentionally.
well, i just hope you choose smth,
you'll not regret and will be happy with.

just felt.. recently things doesnt seem the same..
or maybe, worse den usual?
just felt, maybe i unintentionally,
pushed you away from me.
well if that is what you think so,
sorry, that wasnt my intention,
and i love you baobei..

i feel like the worst gf on earth

2010-12-05T15:53:00.000+08:00

idk is over a span of how many days..
but it seems to me
i just woke up.. crying in my dreams o.o
i wonder what is causing that emotional stress in my dreams
haiz

2010-12-04T21:41:00.000+08:00

Some people are so inconsiderate,
'forcing' people to share their fan
when they do not want cuz they are so freaking cold...

why do I get a feeling that you are annoyed

2010-12-04T03:30:00.000+08:00

I just hate to feel inferior.
I just hate to go to sleep not smiling.
I just hate to know idk what is wrong with me.
I just hate to be emo

and im emoing..

2

2010-12-03T14:20:00.000+08:00

2 more days, and I would have known you for 3 months
I love you baobei :3

2010-12-02T06:04:00.000+08:00

I still remember that fine day,
kids are always naughty by nature
well, so in our class P5 that year
shooting paper bullets with rubber band..
war btw all those naughty de la
i still remember their faces
valerie, yuseng, vivian
so.. shoot until after school
cuz pain, and hse so near
i ran back home
but my road was blocked
cuz their waited at my lift
and i forgot the backstairs..
so i ran in refuge of their paper bullets..
and that day, my mum wasnt working
and my sis was having holidays PSLE holidays
my mum worried about why i so long haven return home
ask my sis come down check on me..
BUT
when my sis took the lift down
vivian valerie and yuseng all swarmed to her
saying I started the war which is untrue
or aggravating some facts, and left out their own crimes
and my sis took sides without asking me
.. obvious wad, valeria and vivian
top notch basketball players in my primary
and my sis was only some lousy shooter somewhere in the back
so.. my sis.. did 1 thing, that i will never forgive
she slapped me..
that was the 1st slap
and a very wrongful slap
when went back home,
my mum is so pro
my sis is the guai guai kid
while im the bad kid
so my mum took sides
and ignored the fact my sis slapped me
and never did my sis apologize
and over the years
i still remember
even when mentioned,
both of them will say
got this kind of thing me?
so..
When the whole world wants you dead,
and there are people who anyhow report facts or aggravate the fact,
and your family, the only people you thought you could rely on,
turn their backs on you and help the world to stab you,
would you still treat them as family?

2010-11-29T23:01:00.000+08:00

To cut a long story short..
I love you.

2010-11-27T09:18:00.000+08:00

ok so you telling me

no need to worry de, =(
i already done this for quite long ma...
plus got a lot safety personnels ma..

and i saw

Nah, will never happen la, lol,
I have faith in my own abilities of
preventing injuries,
and my group to not have any accidents

so why do i see

Slight burn on my right arm,
but performance successful despite
a minor screw up due to
losing concentration cause of
the unexpected heat..

so, is my worry for no cause?

2010-11-26T21:17:00.000+08:00

something had been weighing on
my mind for the whole fucking day.
maybe its just my inability to communicate
or isit my failure of understand
or maybe we just cant communicate on the same chnl.
you dont understand, neither do i understand.
how would you like it if i
climbed the submit of mount everest
well, its so safe aint it,
there is all those safety precautions
but yet death rate is 1 in 5.
or mabye, walking thru fire
well quite safe with all
those fire extinguishers around
but, there is still a fucking slight chance
that i might injure myself in the process of doing so.
i not dun understand your view point,
i know your passion for it,
but, accidents are not called accidents for nothing
or why, flying is so safe alr,
but still planes are crashing somewhere?
accidents, you do not foretell them.

2010-11-22T05:15:00.000+08:00

Just woke up,
for a false sense of belonging in maple
i refuse to go to sku
becuz i juz dont fit in.
no friends in sku
nothing.
as least im rich in maple
but aint in the real world
im aizai in maple
but aint in the real world
bit myself to persuade myself. *ouch*
ok la, i decided.
if i didnt turn up once in sku by wednesday,
i will uninstall maple..
idw get a stupid job,
or married someone, den divorced
and den so difficult to find a job.
i wanna have a fun life..
i shall work hard now..
STOP PROCASTINATING.

2010-11-13T04:10:00.000+08:00

I need time to clear my head,
Idw things to carry on like now,
and I'm sorry that it's all my fault,
and I still love you.

I don't deserve you being so good to me
and i believe u definitely
deserve someone better

2010-11-11T01:21:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry that i had
made you upset alot of times
in the short duration of 1month
we had been officially together
but i believe since we can pull thru
the 1st mth, i believe the rest of the days
will be more easier to pull thru all tgt.
i love you, till the end of times.

2010-11-07T23:26:00.000+08:00

我不配。

i dunwan you bind yourself to me
in order not to break a promise you made.

2010-11-07T21:26:00.000+08:00

A knot if untied is still a knot.
do you really think that
if u ignore the knot
the knot will untie itself?
most probably not

P.S i hate it when outsiders come
bother me with my own family problems

2010-11-06T00:33:00.000+08:00

idk but if i'm not wrong..
we used to have more topics to talk with
didnt we?

2010-11-05T00:00:00.000+08:00

2 Months...
I love you.

2010-11-03T07:46:00.000+08:00

We have walked past 5 weeks together hand in hand.
Even though I cannot deny that
you are deeply etched into my life
and I can't live without you
maybe I'm not the one for you
cuz I will only break your heart
with my stubbornness and mentality addiction.
If you cannot stand 'it' anymore,
let go to make yourself happier.
The last thing I want to see
is you being unhappy.

2010-10-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

had a fun day..
started off late :D
met baobei and tongheng
and Clarance at tampiness interchange
den we walked to bus stop to
try get bus 15 to go parkway parade
walked until busstop i wanan hail a god dam cab
lols..

so otw there
we were deciding on what to eat
so went to ieatishotipost blog
to get details on what is nice
reach there le jiu ate chao guo tiao
and i got some stupid noodles which doesnt taste nice
and tongheng and clarence ordered
some malay food got prawn and chilli

after our delicious breakfast
we headed down to east coast park
around pit c macdonalds to rent bike
rented some black coloured bike with bottleholder
den cycle all the way to bedok jetty
but when i reached there
ting ting called saying she waiting me at mac
so cycle like hell back :D
meet tingting bf : edel yong
shy guy but cute guy :D
den we returned our bikes
(cuz 2 hrs up le)
den we started playing with frisbee :D
run like hell
and my stupid slipper keep falling off.
so.. after frisbee we went to mac to sit down
to cool off :D
den i went off to have a puff
and tongheng and clarence say wanna go home alr

so since evening le i msg zhaodan
asking her cfm coming ah
den ask her go suntec wait..
den she dk whr is suntec... -.-my god
when walking back to bus stop to take 36
my leg hurt like hell
so we took taxi..
reached there so early that zhaodan haven reach
so sat at the musical fountain there lor
den since ting and baka sit 2 different places
i went to sit with ting cuz long time no see
den i decided to ask ting help me
go down dedicate song to baka :D
but ting dk how to operate the machine.
so i went down with her
on pretext GIRLS TALK
den baka stay on the bench watching his
youtube jubeat videos..
so dedicated to him
but missed it cuz i tot was words
but it turned out to be broadcasted..
haiz..

so after broadcast le..
zhaodan oso reaching ler
so ting go book place
den me and baka go fetch zhaodan.
den zhaodan left 35 inside bank
but cannot withdraw 20.. so weird
so ting must help us pay lor =x

went to eat idk what that shop called
but at marina center stage beside secret recipe.
japaness de, got shabu shabu
dinner calculated to be
112.30 or smth lidat
lucky just enuff money :D
den each person 28dollars.

so since like 10 plus le
with all the chatting time passes fast
we went out take bus home
den took 36 to ecp.
den went cheers buy water cuz thirsty.
den juz nice bus ran off :D
den wait for next bus lor
lucky never chiong bus
the next bus is emptier den the previous one
den alighted at my stop
and baka and ting need take more stops to go home :D

had such an extremely happy day :D

2010-10-09T05:08:00.000+08:00

today wake up 11 thou sleep 6
so immediately pack my luagguage lor
fan zheng tml setting off liao
so pack le, sis not happy i use her bed space
push everthing down
ok lor wait mum come back settle
den since i know mum wun so fast back
den fan zheng i hungry
asked for delivery
pig blood+pig big intestine horfun
milktea and hotchocolate
and frenchfries :D
nearly finish eating mum jiu back ler :D
back le mum oso never reprimand her
only ask me pack again
den pack le 2plus fell asleep
4plus wake
watched smth yang ming xing
and bao shi chong wu
and BEN10
den went down granny there le
since we need be at airport at 8
we tml cnt see her
so today went see her
haiz i really dunwan come back again
cuz i know if i come back again
means smth had happened to her
and i am suppose to help do funeral arrangements
i bought a eggtard and some buns for her
gave her a eggtart to eat
i oso ate 1, felt nice so bought more
total 21dollar 14eggtarts
i ate 3, cousin ate 2
mum, sis, granny ate 1
left 6.. bring back give ppl eat lor
den went down nearby to eat
curry pork chop vege rice was what i ordered
sorry no pic cuz idk during uploading that was lost
after dinner jiu went home
pack more luagguage lor
mum bought a bathroom scales
den i weighed myself... 58KG >:D
sob die... fat liao
tml will be the last day i blog regularly
cuz my trip in HK finished
but will start blogging about my baobeii
and 10:10 10/10/10
i love you 1314 3344

nites reader
5.07am

2010-10-07T23:59:00.000+08:00

slept at 6am
woke at 4plus
wake up kena shocked...
cousin sleeping below
den i found a dumpling in the kitchen
ate it with loads of sugar
den watched... HAMTARO :D
after hamtaro jiu went down popo there
smoked 1 stick...
den reached popo there
den watched dunno what tv show...
den cousin aunt and 1 more guy showed up..
den went down smoke 1 more stick
shun bian chat about what happen in their house..
den went up need go tsuen wan for dinner le
so waited for mini van,
but after ALOT of bus.. no seats
so finally just took a random minivan
thou ex le bit =x
den dao le, walk to tsuen sun tin die
met mum and chan/kwong/yang aunt there
went up aunt yang house
den at balcony, look down
damn nice :D
den see down got 2 swimming pool, 1 tennis court
sit awhile, den the kitchen so cute
oven, microwave, washing machine, fridge,
all hidden behind cupboard
den help aunt yang change the time of the oven
8plus went down to eat
hotpot ah
drunken chicken soupbase
and parsley, water chestnut and century egg soupbase
den food got beef, chicken, vege
scallop, turkey meet, and more
after dinner jiu go aunt yang house to collect thing
jiu go home ler :D

nites reader
1.50am

2010-10-06T23:59:00.000+08:00

today i never sleep
... baobeii 7am jiu go sleep
den i tahan...
11am jiu need go out
so go bath and ask cousin wake up
cuz she came over to sleep last night :D
den went down
buy the he tao su to try
like dry cookie
taste worse den my home made cookies :D
so went down the honorary family for tea
aunt daisy mum sis all there
uncle later den come
eat finish le, every one come le
den... THE BATTLE OF
chan siu lai(my mum) and chan siu hua(my aunt)
will start :D
my mum will bombard my aunt with all she has to complain
den my aunt will turn her head aside and try to avoid :D
den after war, jiu go home..
sis and doris went sham shui po for banking things
den my mum and i went downstairs de bank
den after we went home is around 4plus
den i online awhile
jiu go snore until 11plus
den cuz my mum and sis dunno go out again
den they return jiu press doorbell
kns... wake me up... wonder what time i could fall asleep

nites reader
3.04am

2010-10-05T23:59:00.000+08:00

slept at 7am
and woke up today at 12
due to my mum screaming into the fone
about my aunt misdeed
WHICH SHE REPEATED MORE THEN 5 TIMES.
the fucking tv volume is only 17
and her fucking irritating volume is 25
AND YOU SCOLD ME FOR BEING LOUD
AT THIS TINY SQUEEZY FLAT
whos the loud bitch?
she shouted so long into to fone last night too
AND THE FUCKING DOOR IS WIDE OPEN
so who is letting the dirty linen out in public?
not me, YOU, BITCH.
ok... so practically stayed at home today
they went out around 5..
and i rushed to ask for dinner delivery
so played around the internet today
nothing much to do :D
ordered same things
and i asked the lady to keep the 1 dollar tip LOL
yeah 1 dollar not much... like less den SGD$0.20
continue using comp
oh god... now left 84 hrs,
and the time is passing every so slow
this 3-4 days are the slowest days of my life

last month de today is the day
that i first met baka baby
i remember at the 7-11 bus 63 bus-stop
tried to scare him
but he turned around last minute
and i remember that
i kissed him at the 11th storey staircase :D
pei-ed me the whole night
and that is the start to the best thing i had this year.

NITES KAYPO READER.
2.00am

2010-10-04T23:59:00.000+08:00

boring day again
wake up 5pm
mum and sis out
and online dearest jiu there ler..
today while looking at failbook
i chanced upon this omegle thingy
den i went to disiao ppl :D
stupid horny pervs
at 7pm, due to hungry
i called delivery
2 noodle 1 milktea and 1 fries
HKD39dollars in all
not bad luh
was the stall i went to last night
after big cousin come
she hungry i oso hungry
so we went down for a snack
after my dinner i had a 5 coloured lolly which was... mmhm
after eating
jiu cont tv, disiao, msn with dearest
nothing to to..
they came back at 11plus
den cuz my mum want to speak to my aunt on thursday
and my aunt is on leave but yet have appointment
my mum screamed over the fone at her
lols... -.- i hate my mum
for repeating the same incident to different people
not asif my relatives dislike my aunt alr
shes is adding oil to the flames
kinda hate her doing that.

nites reader
6.55am

2010-10-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

fucking boring day
nothing much to say
scalded my right index finnger while cooking
and got drunk... by alcoholic fumes

visit my other blog
thelostteddiie.blogspot.com
for other updates

nites reader 1.08am

2010-10-03T11:47:00.000+08:00

teddie knows maddy is gone..
and never will be back,
even thou she hopes
the "always be waiting" will never change,
and hopes to fufil her "never leave you" ,
but she knows she cnt...
either way, she will hurt someone..
teddie just hopes maddy find someone that can give him 幸福 ...
and teddie will be here giving maddy the blessings..
and even due to longings...
teddie shouldn't have lumped maddy and jianwei tgt.
truth.. teddie still want maddy to be around her
protecting her like the olden days..
but... teddie know all is not possible
so teddie most probably wun talk to maddy...ler
cuz she dunwan SE to be sad
and she know, the past is the past.
teddie going to put down the past forever ler.

2010-10-03T09:18:00.002+08:00

im feeling guilty again
i didnt know i would have hurt you that much

if someone was to ask me how many ex do you have
i would say i been too flirt
i gave 4 guys my heart at different time,
but only 1 guy gave me his heart
and i regret not giving him my heart

till now i think you are one of those boys
that my mum accepts (kind of)
i mean can come my house sit down der

why wasnt i sastified at that time?
why couldnt i be sastified with the plain life we had?

but thanks JW, you made me realise my foolishness
you both, SE and JW have quite some points in common

sorry to have always broken my promises
maybe whatever happens between us
made a point for me not to hurt SE
idw repeat the same mistakes on SE
as what i did to you, JW, I'm sorrry

im grateful for all things you did for me
im sorry for taking you for granted
cooking when im sick
visiting me when im sick
helping me so much in maple
cheering me up when im happy
quit smoking for the duration we're tgt
always rushing over when there's smth wrong

sorry to have broken at a wrong date
and make you felt more worse
as the next day is ur ex bdae
and the next next is her death date

maybe for the guilt im feeling
i want to make up to you
but yet idw hurt SE
i rather make up the wrong doing i did to you on SE
and time to let go of the past
what for do i hold onto such things?

and i guess the sentence that hurt you the most is
I'll never leave you
if I'm gonna use that again
i will make sure i stand by that sentence

4 343 5683 968 263 4 26 78455 46464 86 5683 968 62339.
4 226 63837 367438 968. 4 5683 968

2010-10-03T06:24:00.000+08:00

knn fuckers

so what big cousin is not happy?

this is not her fucking home

yeah i know its not my home either

but you got a home in HK

and you got a big bed dunwan sleep

and you has to come...

to get my bed...

and now im reduced to sleeping on wooden planks

stacked on 3 chaiirs

and my fucking leg is hurting so fucking much

story? yeah there was a fucking cockroach

that crawled over the fucking planks on the fucking floor

and that fucking planks is where i supposed to sleep

and no mattress somemore

and sometimes i sleep with my mouth open

how would you know the cockroach wun come back?

or would you know it doesnt have young? partner?

have you idiots forgotten about my leg injury?

so do you realise that i had once been in such pain

that i couldnt take a wink of sleep?

when i lay side ways

my bones was pressing against the planks

and when i try lay straight

i cannot lie straight totally

and it hurts totally

for the fucking 2 hours that i tried to sleep

and the fucking pain is like that old times?

sometimes, i wonder how much you can care

you care about she will hot anot

and ask her to take my bunk

and sometimes in the morning you switch off the fan

making me wake in a pool of sweat

you care about she will cold anot

and take my blanket for her to cover

and give me a god damn UNCOMFORTABLE jacket...

which cnt even cover me properly

you asked me walk from sham shui po to mongkok

and for a duration of 2 hours

when you knew i need a rest every now and then

and when you are talking to relatives

you dun give a damn to me nor sis

regardless are we going to tell you something FREAKING impt

and no matter the any cousins younger den us

tell you any not impt de thing you oso listen.

im so fucking pissed at both of you

idw give a dam anymore

i just wish i was back in singapore having my carefree life

shouldn't have told sis i can go HK anytime

should have stayed there longer

fuck you... screw life.

2010-10-02T23:59:00.000+08:00

boring day again
tio woken up at 11am even thou i sleep 6am
den watch tv nothing nice
jiu use comp
den my laobu say go granny there
i drag until 3pm den go down
wah seh my glasses so dark... (cuz the UV light)
den went down for tea
saw my uncle.. asked for a ciggy...
thou very heavy but ok luh =x
finished it den went up...
lucky my mum didnt notice :D
finish tea = 5pm
went out to lok fu again
mum needed to talk to a funeral guy
to know what she needs to do
if smth bad happened...
cuz this the 1st time she need do such stuffs
den i ordered mcnugget EVM upsize in mac :D
and... i said all in ENGLISH..
the look on the cashier face when i said... was so hilarious
so puzzled :D
den after we went somewhere for dinner
got shabu... stone pot rice... spaggetti... soup...
den... GOT RAT/MICE...
kao.. stupid restuarant...
if here is SG... i will complain to NEA...
and make sure this restuarant will not BLOOM
never ever... i will make sure this restuarant COLLASPE..
yes im fucking evil :D
11pm we left..
den got 1 bus...
kao la got 1 uncle...
pay 1 seat de fair...
use 2 seat... fucker sia
back home sis jiu snatch use comp
kao la... i mean...
she help me sign out my msn...
and ask the msn not rmb my pw
haiz... nvm la

nites reader
1.25am

2010-10-01T23:59:00.000+08:00

another fucking boring day nothing to update
whole day slack like mad
9.00 went down shek yam for dinner with family
entered a newly opened shop
ate wanton mee again...
so my wanton mee cost 19
mum food cost 20
sis food cost 26(with drink)
so me and mum got a plate of vege.. (HKD$6each)
and i asked for another drink (yuen yang/ coffee with milktea bah)
which cost 5 dollar
and the KNS waiter write as 6dollar...
kao sia
ok... watched gong zhu jia dao...
the shop got 2 tv.. when we just enter..
1 of the tv showing jiu xiang lai zhe ni
but weird.. even got ella... i wan watch gong zhu jia dao more =p
cuz i wan watch tv... so 10.30 den return home
den cuz home is walkable distance...
and my stomach not feeling well
so i rushed home ... first...
den use comp... first...
:D soon... love dearest

boring day...

tv and comp

and nothing to write...

but ...

I LOVE YOU MONKEH

and kor

you are one of the greatest guy i know

dun let anyone else tell you otherwise

nites reader
1.45am

2010-09-30T23:59:00.000+08:00

woke up at 1... hot die
just in time for my tv show =p
morning 10plus kena woken up cuz
my big cousin came up...
thought i going out with them
and woke me up by... HARASSING MY BUTT >:@
den mum ask me where the hse keys are
den when they out i finally fall asleep back
watch finish tv jiu play comp
today got Hamtaro :D
but the Big boss de voice like Doraemon de voice O_O
6plus mum ask me go down granny there to meet her for dinner
cuz her ex classmates ask her for dinner =p
jiu went Lok Fu for dinner... had french toast =p
after dinner went next door de macdonald for icecream
talk dao 12am... den rush train to tsuen wan
den take minibus home..
1plus reach home... sis use comp den i help mum do stuffs
3den online.. kelian my baobeii =p

nites reader

2010-09-29T23:59:00.000+08:00

woke up 11am...
but since laobu and sis still sleeping i went back to sleep
den woke up 1pm..
but, the TV wasnt on, and the telephone didnt disturb me
i thought they sleep sleeping so went back sleep
wake 1.30pm and went toilet =x
and realise they both not at home O_O
switched on tv, and nothing nice to watch
jiu go on comp... but nothing to do...
2pm laobu call back ask me go on yam
but idw, even thou she use mac breakfast to lure me=p
den another fone call she ask me go
honorary restuarant for lunch...
i jiu fast fast agree... got high tea ma =p
went down in 5min...
eat... HKD$99 for 3 ppl...
less then SGD$20 3ppl
after went to hangseng and BEA bank to do stuffs...
after all document approve le
we jiu went home to put down the important documents..
jiu went down granny there le
i there jiu nothing do.. jiu watch tv..
watch finish tv laobu say need go tsuen wan buy thing
jiu go.. 1st stop spec shop..
got some VERY cute spec cloth =p
after went around walking...
bought some clothes...
den when passed by a wallet/bag/accessories shop
saying the rent lease is up and everything must go...
they stopped and chose the wallet for very long..
den cuz my leg muscle problem cannot stand very long
i saw a macdonald nearby jiu tell them i go there sit awhile
while waiting i polished off a strawberry sundae
a medium fries... and half a large fries
and i had to eat VERY slow to wait for them while eating..
i still remember that time i ask the counter for
sausage mcmuffin extra value meal UPSIZE
and the face of the cashier =p
whole face full of ?????
after that we went for dinner at the tsuen wan shop
had 2 bowl pig organ soup and rice..
and doughstick in cheong fan.
jjiu walk to take bus 31 home...
now just back home..

i realise the buses in HK... most are double deckers...

nties reader
23.31pm

2010-09-28T23:59:00.000+08:00

woke up thanks to my sis irritating voice over the phone.
tried to use comp and they give me this stupid notification
now 1.36am den can use...
so woke up at 11am
watched tv, den waited for lunch
lunch had rice, preserved sausage? =x and dumplings
3plus heard that a relative had flu and fainted at home
so mum and sis prepare to go hospital
and ask me to go granny there myself
so 4.30 went down myself
reached 5plus,
and mum asked me to give granny some rice given by God de
after i gave the rice to granny, i went down to have a bowl of wanton mee.
cuz i eating jiu reading book mah.. so when i back up
granny finished eating, and lying down tired le
so i called mum to ask what else to do..
den cuz i got 2 number and idk which to call
but i know 1 number is big cousin de the other is mum de
so i tried, 1st try jiu call to big cousin, so i hang and call mum...
so mum said help her brush her fake teeth ma... jiu brush lor
but otw to toilet to brush
laobu call back... and i go pick
and kns the toothbrush got ants crawling out de...
... ok idw say le..
so went home after brushing teeth...
at home opened 7-up to drink...
watched tv, but nth to watch
play comp but no internet..
den got 1 fone call ask me go out for dinner
so took 35a myself, find soysauce street
walked to london mongkok restaurant
waited for my sis... who was late
den go up for some banquet
actually banquet if for the sick relative de
cuz he holding government job last time
and the banquet for government people de
but since 2 ticket and both cannot go... so...
the ticket given me and sis lor
10 dishes de banquet
roast chicken, roast pig, roast duck, char siew
prawn, fish, rice, noodle, and shark fin..
ok i only got picture of shark fin =x
banquet ended at 10.30
den we chiong home
just nice reach bus stop got 35a, so run to get the bus
cuz laobu dun have keys, keys with me.
whhen alight laobu tried to scare us from behind LOL
but i alr saw her ler...
talking with dearest now, 11days more<3
facebook somethings later

nites reader,
1.56am

2010-09-27T23:59:00.000+08:00

big cousin stayed with us last night
1pm wake up jiu go sham shui po
go Hang Seng back to settle my mother bank thingy 1st
den we went for lunch at 3plus at some rdm tea cafe sit dao 4-5plus
after lunch we walk dao Mong Kok to buy stuffs
otw oso looking and buying stuffs
7plus my leg cannot tahan the pain le
jiu go Mei Xim to sit down and perhaps eat.
we had sabu sabu hot pot
and 6 treasure rice(got chicken, duck, big red sausage, salted egg, squid, vege)
sit dao 11plus while chatting then people say closing ler
jiu walk to nearest bus stop to go home.

nites reader

2.04am

2010-09-26T23:59:00.000+08:00

sleep at 6am
was watching some old show till 6
den 6-7 was tossing and turning in bed
finally dunno what time i fell asleep
1pm mum woke me up
to go out with big cousin to play
but idw go cuz tired
so.. stay at home
6plus cousin call to ask us wanna go for HOTPOT
since haven eat dinner jiu okay lor
7plus reach, got judy aunty and her husband and child
and 'stupid' sister
got all kinds of meat
and all kinds of soft drink
eat dao 10plus jiu went home le

nites reader

1.04am

2010-09-25T23:59:00.000+08:00

wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy

haha no la =x

woke up at 1 due to my sister singing =x

mum had gone out again

but since i used comp ytd

so i never ask sis lend me the comp lor

den 3plus she let me use le

i use less den 10min she say need prepare go out le

sianned =x

but idw cuz is go granny there

den she say got BBQ and you want go u better faster

so i chionged to bath and change to go out =p

den when i finished she came back saying she forgot smth

so she waited for me this time.

so went down granny there

stop by mac for a sundae

reached granny there but mum wasnt there

i go there do nothing der

6plus my granny had dinner

and since i didnt had breakfast lunch...

and got some money

i and sis went down for noodles

she had beef noodles and i had wanton mee

my fav wanton mee place =x

total bill HKD$35 sg like less den 7buck

1 drink and 2 big bowl noodle full like hell

went back to granny there but mum haven come

big cousin say mum and her arrive tgt

but when big cousin arrived cnt see mum

she dam bad, i was closing my eyes resting while listening song

she snapped a picture of me sleeping :@

after granny finish dinner, mum came and finished helping granny

7plus we went down to BBQ

passed by Welcome(supermarket) to buy wasabi and charcoal

den went up to cousin liondance de place to BBQ.

is a rooptop so very nice place lai de.

when we reached people had alr start BBQ-ing le

so i and my sis go in grab a drink and came out

came out grab 2 chicken wing and start BBQ-ing ler

sat there so long

even never BBQ, we played cards.. cuz people inside play mahjong

AND PLAY MONEY =x we no money and not much skill mah.

2plus den finish BBQ-ing

glad i went, cuz i met a old friend that i never met for more den 2years

her "name" is stupid =p

she very scared tickle one

she scared i bored lended me her nitendo DS to play bomberman =p

but i keep lose... wahahaha

now back home talk to dearest lor...

and audi mummy, cuz she juz now msg me thing..

had 2 stick ciggy today, credit judy aunty=x
cuz everyone smoking i =x tempted den ask from judy aunty

nites reader

3.19am

2010-09-24T23:59:00.000+08:00

today was another boring day
woke up around noon
watched telly again den used comp again
was waiting lunch
mum was out and sis did the cooking
steamed fish with preseved vege + boiled vege + soup
after lunch = more telly and comp
4plus mom back from TCM
she shoo-ed me and sis to granny there,
and otw we bought mac
HK is called McCrispy
SG is called McSpicy
and... i bought extra value meal UPSIZE
and... the amount doesnt tally to our calculations
but it was cheaper so we diam diiam.
den we went buy a piece of bread for granny den go up.
sis gave granny a bowl of soup
buy granny drink dao left abit say full dunwan drink.
i enticed her with abit of that bread she jiu drank more.
i entice with quarter, but she want half
den she laugh... so cute, and long time never see her laugh le
around 7+ small cousin came up after his sku.
but since my sis was there he sat aside listen song
and i noticed he using ONTO headphones =x
8plus we left to go home to eat.
i realise HK buses cramp-er den SG buses.
but the driver skill better =x
back home too little ricce
so mum cooked a extra noodle.
there was fried egg+onion+minced meat.
and stir fried squid+hairy gourd.
dinner was execellent.
9++ mum and sis went down for a event nearby
so i used comp and watch tv lor.
11++ they back... and i had read more den 50 pages of OMG facts.
den sister used a icecream to threathen me to give her the comp.
den mum brought out some pomelo to eat.
den i SWITCHED OFF the comp
cuz i hate to be threathened.
after feeling hungry i ate 2 slices of pomelo + 1 pear.
watched more TV den washed plate den NITES

nites reader
3.00am

2010-09-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

cuz big cousin stayed overnight with us last night
today woke up 11 plus
today most people having holiday
AND I WATCHED SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS IN THE MORNING =x
ok that's not the point =x hahas
but today just slacked around watching tv and using comp
until evening 6pus, went down to find granny
cuz only me and sis, so since we passed by macdonald
we grab a big, double pork burger,
and sausage mcmuffin with egg EVM
33.10 in total if i never remember wrong
den down granny there the next door ahpek de daughter sitting with my granny
den we brought her walk walk in the old folks home and sat her down somewhere
so that she could eat the pomelo we brought her
but she said sour, i make into smaller pieces give her eat
smaller portions jiu will not so sour le ma
den when my sis walked away to call my mum at 7.50+
my aunt, younger cousin and 2nd cousin came
aunt brought a custard mooncake give her eat
den sat down talk talk lor
den 2nd cousin went down buy smth to drink and asked me along
so went along, and she gave me a ciggy to smoke =x
smoked and chatted abit, about my future bf thingy lor =x
and about he tomboyish and bleached hairstyle
den return up jiu need go home ler
when we reached the busstop jiu just nice got 1 31m come
so in no time back home for TV and dinner
dinner got fish, and some cured sausage/meat, and luncheon
and vege (HK de vege is very ver sweet cuz very fresh)
after dinner jiu watch more tv while wait for sister to finish using comp
and after she finish i jiu blog upload pic facebook talk to dearest on msn
the usual stuff
going sleep soon

nites reader
0.13am

2010-09-23T01:03:00.001+08:00

actually to me whether my granny or mum is around
makes no difference to me.
because i had already leant to be alone.
the only difference is the quality of soup that i'll be able to drink,
the amount of money that is left,
the house, the responsibility that i'll need to carry,
bbut idk what will actually happen if they are not around
maybe lost their love bah, love from family
because there will only be me and sis
dependant with each other for life,
but there would be alot life problems to fret i believe
so no matter what i gonna JIAYOU, to study hard
so i can have better life in the future
and my JIAYOU must JIAYOU for mtself.
not dearest nor kor.

2010-09-22T23:59:00.000+08:00

every night when i sleep
i will imagine you are behind me hugging me
like those afternoon at your house
imagining the warmth i cant feel
when i am 3 hrs flight away from you.
those 12~13 days with you were
one of those happiest moments in my life
you are someone that i might not be able to live without
but i want to go through this 1montth
cuz i really want to be with you forever
actually the first few days, my heart was still with someone else
but i know i should let go of him already,
he fits my perfect bill
but i dont fit him
he is no other then that golden haired guy
i told you about, azazel kor.
i did try change myself for him
annd idk now i want to change is cuz his words
or yours or for myself,
1 mth of trying was tough.
so maybe through this month we, red headed monkey,
'our love' if there is this word.
hope it would grow stronger and would be long lasting
but during this 1 month even you would want to change heart,
i dun mind. cuz i know 1'm not your cup of tea.
but that will not stop me from loving you until the day you stop loving me.
17days more to go, 6days has passed
but my love for you has not changed.
but my mind is slowly starting to make sure i dun miss you so much
more like normal like those 1year plus liao de couple,
your heart got me jiu can le, mind dun put me so there can le
do things sub consiously i sastified le. ILY

prawn
chicken
roast pigeon
frog leg
roast meat
fachoi
abalone

those were my dinner for tonight
took 2 bowls rice and 3 bowls soup
wahseh my tummy big siol.
today morning wake up around 1plus
watched tv while waiting for lunch
lunch had some left over food from days ago
den went down at 3 to visit granny
but 5plus left to go a relative house
at ma on shan. for diner =x
reached there 7plus
eat finished dinner 8 plus
after dinner sit around awhile 9plus
jiu go down walk walk
cuz the house is beside some rive/lake/some water
played with all those ying guang bang =x
den went home around 11plus
now msning with dearest.
going off comp soon becuz big cousin coming over
and my mum wants to sweep the floor to lay the bed for sleep
and.. KAO I WANT TALK TO DEAREST MORE.
I LOVE YOU FREAKING RED HEADED MONKEY

nites reader,
0.58 am

2010-09-21T23:59:00.000+08:00

today lazy day again,
actually we were supposed to bring my granny
to a relative place for tea
for mid autumn festival celebration,
but because typhoon and rain we cancelled it.
lazed around today watching more telly,
cooked lunch and washed plates,
today i tried the internet and tralala, it worked,
FB blog and uploading all the pictures,
took 3hours lidat
talked with dearest in FB msg and MSN.
haiz i love you him le,
promise you your history wun repeat ok?
use dao 6pm cuz the internet fuxking slow
watch more telly while waiting mum prepare dinner.
cooked 2.5 cup rice,
brought down granny there for dinner by 7pm
ate dinner until 8pm,
stayed at granny there until 9.45pm
ate bing pi yue bing...
very cute too, got rabbit shape and hokkaido(bei hai dao)
went up aunt house to collect laundry.
saw my 2nd cousin and some guy my aunt want to pull tgt with 2nd cousin de.
didnt saw aunt nor small cousin...
2nd cousin bleach hair until EWWWW ERXIN =x
went back to supermarket Welcome to buy neccessities
back home jiu want sleep le
tv sian die me

nites 2.21am

2010-09-20T23:59:00.000+08:00

today wake up 11am,
hot die le,
went for bath, shiok ah!
then since mum and sis haven wake up,
took some overnight de eggtart for breakfast,
but still hungry so take custard bun too,
bored ma, so watched tv, had typhoon warning 1.
today lazy day, no where to go, so kept watching tv lor.
then mum and sis wake le, so i wait for my lunch =p
corn soup, steamed egg with pork, and fried fish.
went back to sleep, wakaka, oink =p
wake le watch more tv, anime, teach english de program
spongebob squarepants, doreamon,
when 5plus, we had typhoon warning 3.
and the news report said that at night maybe warning 8.
and this year mid autumn festival in HK maybe cannot see the moon.
cuz after lunch mum and sis had naps too ma, so they woke around 6.
and watched more tv, but we need to get ready to go out at 7.
cuz we need to take our transitions specs, wakaka.
went out 7.30. 8plus reach specs sphop. waiting for big cousin.
saw my specs, not bad,
they put under UV light to let me see the transitions effect.
after, we went shopping, bought 3-4 new clothes and some accessories.
after we had dinner at the same tsuen wan cafe.
HK rice like free, SG add rice need give money, and portion very less.
HK add rice some places no need money, and portion very very big.
uncle gave us ride home in his minivan,
had a hearty chat with mum last night.
now watching tv.
typhoon warning 8 no more le,
tonight freaking cooling, shiok ah,

nites reader,
1.19am

2010-09-19T23:59:00.000+08:00

morning wake up 9plus am
cuz rushing to go huang ta xian
took bus down, forget took what bus ler,
but the bus driver mistake me for a kid less den 12 years old O_O
so i pay half fare =p
we went down huang ta xian MTR station
saw 2 classmates of my mum, 1 is yueng mui heng, and the other idk her name (call her A)
so we went to huang ta xian there pray pray, took alot pictures
i got 1 pict take with 3 fake light monkey, very cute der =p
got 1 czech republic shuai ge help us take 1 group photo =p
he on backpack tour ...
den after we went find 1 soothsayer to explain the lots we prayed. HKD$25 per lot ^_^
den aunt yueng had her palm read, and i sat beside listening to what the soothsayer say, to pick up pointer mah
zodiac sign, dog and dog, dog and chicken, cannot tgt =x
2 dog tgt = 2 dog barking, so will have alot quarrel
dog and chicken = ji quan bu ning
2 monkey tgt, not bad =p cuz can help each other pick fleas out of fur lols
dearest want me help you pick flea ma? wakaka
1pm we left to go lok fu to drink tea,
met classmate A de mum, and daughter(she going to be air stewardess in cathay pacific)
bill HKD400++ (7ppl feast) after we went to walk walk that lok fu mall
saw the picture puzzle i wanted, the xueqi jie and alex kor that mickey and minnie der
less then HKD$300 for 1000 pieces, which is less den SGD$50
if for the same puzzle in SG, you need pay SGD$100++
price super duper different sia
we walked abit more, then went down McDonald have some light snack
i had strawberry sundae, and the others had the normal vanilla icecream cone
icecream cone is HKD$2.50, which is less den SGD$0.50 fxxking cheap right?
then the strawberry sundae has peanut in it de leh, and very crisp too
sundae = HKD$7.50, which is less den SGD$1.50, cheap too right?
btw sausage mcmuffin HKD$9.00 = SGD$1.80, you try finding a dollar burger for me in SG, w/o promotion
after McDonald we went to walk again, walk their supermarket,
wakao the prawns dam nice lor, is like very shuang kou de, better den SG prawns, and fresher too
walk finish le, went up classmate A de house sit sit, chat chat, sit dao 7pm
we went back to kwai heng, visit granny, den saw my aunt at granny de old folks home.
she didnt talk to me nor mum or sis much, then she went back saying need cook for 2nd cousin
just back home, now waiting for dinner of noodle luncheon and tofu.

i said i this time come back HK cfm will grow fat
eat too much and too many meals

nites reader,
21.55pm

2010-09-18T23:59:00.000+08:00

day 2, woke up 8, saw mum and sis sleeping, went back sleep
finally woke 10.30am
prepare go out by 11am, had cheese bread and malt chocolate milk for breakfast.
went down to take bus to MTR station, but mum hadnt eat so went MEIXIM, had roast duck rice, fishfillet and duck egg yolk meat patty rice
rush down took the minibus, went to kwai hing MTR, bought the single trip ticket, went to tsim sha tsui station, alighted to meet my relative(fu yi po) =p
by 2pm went to Intercontinental Graand Stanford Hotel for some seminar.
3.30pm the seminar ended, and we went to MacDonalds for some light snack.
had sausage mcmuffin with egg, big mac, and some beef burger and sprite.
took the train back to kwai hing to visit granny with fu yi po
awhile later fu yi po went home, and mum went down buy things to cook for dinner.
dinner started at 9+, vegetable, luncheon meat, noodles
now watching tv, going sleep soon, need wake early tml,
going huang da xian tml =p and meeting my mum ex classmates ^_^

1 thing i want to praise HK is, the driving skills of their drivers
because the roads here are most like hills and mountains, and curvy roads
the skills is so freaking better den SG,
but zebra crossing, car bigger den human, different den SG

nites reader,
22.16

2010-09-17T23:59:00.000+08:00

Woke up 5am,
met dearest 6+am,
went down playground sit and talk
going 7am it rainned abit,
went home immediately,
and waiting for my god father come fetch me go airport.
reach airport 8+am,
we ate at Ruyi, awed by the throw fried rice/noodle de machine =p
i took dumpling soup and dearest tried mapo tofu rice, food not bad, but price very bad.
sis was holding her nailclipper den i ask dearest help me keep till i back in case the airport staff hold it and never return like what they did with my scissors and penknife last time,
went in at 9.15 lidat, was laughing at sister cuz her thumbprint cannot be scanned by the express station.
the plane left at 10.03, 2minutes earlier then expected time.
i realise, Jetstar is so lousy, they didnt detect my rexona detorant spray, lighter and penknife. LOLs, should perform flame thrower =p wakaka
i was reading Orbit up there (i finished the whole book by the time we landed).
Had vietnamese chicken curry with rice and red bull light when up in air, S$10.
though a few minutes/hours, i miss dearest badly alr.
arrived at 1.50, luggage bag 4, and when we alighted the plane we need take shuttle bus to go the luggage belt. finally first time can step in the hangar ground, so exicted =p
we got HK citizen ID ma, so express again, went out to baggage belt 1st =x
moved to take bus A31, price HKD$17.80 per person.
i took pictures like siao, so i can upload and share with everyone.
saw eldest cousin and mum at bus terminal, alighted and went for lunch. (western food) 125 bucks.
got pizza, pasta, rice, and more.
after finish eating we then went home to put down our 13kg heavy luaggage.
sitt down awhile den went to granny's old folks home to visit her.
after went down tsuen wan take mum spectacles.
mum let me make new specs, with transitions somemore =p HKD$1250.
after finish ordering my specs we went for dinner at the normal tea cafe
wanton mee, beef curry rice, pig organ soup, cheong fan with dough stick wrapped inside, lemon water, tea tarik.
took 31 home, writing before sleep. the weather here is hot like hell T_T worse den SG, cuz the housing are small and squeezed so will more hot.

1 thing that i like HK is,
7 eleven, welcome, OK, MTR, all this shops i mention,
they all give u collectibles, and better den SG
like hello kity, twin stars, doraemon, and more.

nites reader,
0.42am

2010-09-12T08:49:00.001+08:00

找不到人说心里的寂寞
找不到人懂怕黑的折磨
找不到命中注定在一起的那个人
很多人都像我　
一个人过生活

爱只有简单笔画
却比想像复杂
恨安定爱变化　
我爱过几个人
也被爱过几遍　
却还是没能
将幸福留下

爱是不可数的吗
为何我还相信
它不是独行侠　
我在等一个人
在等我的永恒　
告诉我爱不
单行别害怕

用不完身边泛滥的自由
开始怕孤单是一种诅咒
羡慕我能飞的人为何在天黑以后
还是宁愿回到
爱情那个枷锁

爱只有简单笔画

却比想像复杂

恨安定爱变化　

我爱过几个人

也被爱过几遍　

却还是没能

将幸福留下

爱是不可数的吗

为何我还相信

它不是独行侠　

我在等一个人

在等我的永恒　

告诉我爱不

单行别害怕

爱只有简单笔画

却比想像复杂

恨安定爱变化　

我爱过几个人

也被爱过几遍　

却还是没能

将幸福留下

爱是不可数的吗

为何我还相信

它不是独行侠　

我在等一个人

在等我的永恒　

告诉我爱不

单行别害怕

我在等一个人　
在等我的永恒
告诉我爱不单行相信她

sometimes i wonder what am i thinking
i should have cleared the other blog
and thrown away that ring
why am i still having this memories?
its not me to do this.
what am i holding on?

2010-09-11T10:10:00.001+08:00

hope that during that 3-4weeks in hong kong
you might think thru everything
see you still wanna be with me
and i will think thru everything
see i still wanna be with you.

but 1 thing i know
i'm going to miss die you
alot alot

2010-09-05T01:45:00.000+08:00

i just looked at my past,
i realise, how differently i treated rs
last time it was so sacred
now it's like dirt
what happened?

2010-09-04T23:38:00.000+08:00

You were the last person that i expected a revenge from.
I love you still. Im sorry.
Im sorry i hurt you like that nearly 1year ago.
Im sorry that i didnt know how to cherish you.
Im sorry. Hope you felt better after your revenge.

I kept seeing that fury in your eyes
but i just told myself,
this was that maddy you known
trust him.
little did i expect
maddy has changed,
why?
the 1st person that i always has been guilty towards
the 1st person which always had been there for me
no matter I'm sad, sick, stress, whatever

Isit because maddy couldnt receive that blow?
of all people, why him?

i know to relationships i aint suitable
im naive stupid shortsighted
i forgot humans could change
that 3 letters maddy wrote to me, i kept it well
read it when i was feeling lonely
always hoped that they were as true as his heart.
i regretted what i did last year,
and im still feeling guilty.

But why the revenge?
where is that maddy that i've known?

2010-09-03T18:35:00.002+08:00

每次见到你都有一种说不出冲动
该是时候放手
是时候该为自己活了
不要再为别人而活
你要加油
既然有人相信我能做得到
我也相信你做得到
幸霖加油!!!

Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.

Step 1 : Change back sleeping timing.
Step 2 : Go to school regulary.
Step 3 : Try to avoid gaming.
Step 4 : Stop smoking and drinking.
Step 5 : Always think that you can do it.

Winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is.

I NEED to want to reach the submit.

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

Let's start giving it my all.

2010-09-02T23:05:00.003+08:00

stupid me
4plus ask martin come down pei me
7 went back change clothes
when ask allowance sis dunwan give
ok lor since lidat
OFA exam, appeal for debar all gone
den lidat, i no more exams liao, fan zheng bze and ofa need appeal
cmb finished ofa missed bze and ofa cannot appeal
your decision not mine.
2dollars left in ezlink
what you expect? me to walk to sku.

i learnt abit during this 1mth
i mean, yeah alot
i never really understand or know about a person before i stead
i never know how to answer questions ppl ask me abt my 'bf'
but it oso let me think.. to maintain a rs constant surprises are needed
and.. for me, i can never do that, so it rules down to
totally im not suitable for relationship, its like
nah you will break soon cuz u dun understand him enuff.

i need a person who will trust me no matter what happens
who will try to cheer me up when im upset/stress
a person who can tell me jiayou when i want to give up
and -.- this person so difficult to find.

im not you i cant do everything you can do.
im weak, i had such a good life that idk how to be strong
my faith is easily wavered
i might pretend i'm looking at a half full cup
but i only know how to look at half empty cup

if you see me smiling, nah thats not me
but lucky you if you see me smile
i might keep smiling when i meet people
but.. sadly to say that's my mask
i will try to forget everything when i with friends
so that i can be their pistachio
but sometimes those -ve emotions rule over the +ve emotions
i wonder who could see me smile when im alone.

i dun go sku sometimes is because
i dun have enuff responsibility to motivate me to go
i dun go work is because everyone down there dislikes me,
and i know that from their expressions
i dun noe how to treat my family good is because
for trying to smile at a black face for years and failing everytime
you give up trying because you know that the outcome is the same.

a quote that i loved
love your job and you'll never have to work a day.
i like having a laid back life, i like to have fun
but i hadnt learnt how to love my job.

2010-09-02T02:39:00.003+08:00

give up,
yes that is what i thought
im not suitable for anything
a r/s need to be maintained so it can last forever
and i cant do that

mum lidat, how many years could she provide for me?
laziness my biggest weakness,
what could make me not lazy to change this laziness?

regret
what made me do so many things that i will regret?
regret giving up somethings
regret taking up somethings
regret everything
wrong choices? or right choices?

maybe i should stop leaving everything to fate and start work hard
but.. laziness is still here, my mood to have fun is still...
my hands predict a hard life for me.
my life is full of ups and downs.
is that what am i going to go through?

1mth alr, im tired, im giving up
you shouldnt have considered
i shouldnt have tried
im tired, i just wan care concern, someone that understands me

when people fall, they have me to fall back on
when i fall, i have nothing to fall back on.
who? cck? kor? baojian? those claim they love me der?
never, they are never there when i need them
there is no one i can run to that will confort me when im down
they never sense something wrong is going on in my tones

for the past 2 weeks, i found out what some people are thinking
and i have concluded to rule out some people in my friend list
life is not something nice.
somehow i oso want to give up my life

living is so torturous, i cant deal with stress ok?
i cannot deal with stress especially when i know i haven nothing to fall back on
what i will hurt is my pride my self esteem my everything.

you have a goal, you can move on finding that goal
all my goals are so blurry that i can say I DONT HAVE A GOAL
i want to reach the submit, and i dun have safety proceedures
once i take a wrong step, i will be wounded.
and i hate to be wounded.

I Give Up Okay?
I Dont Mind If Death Comes Knocking NOW.
All Those Reasons I Lived For When I Wanted A Suicide, Are Gone.
There's Nothing Worth Living For Anymore.

2010-09-01T00:11:00.001+08:00

1st september
benjamin birthday
i still remember the k-box outing we had last year
i miss you guys
really
alot =(

i still rmb how toot i was then hahahas

2010-08-30T23:50:00.000+08:00

i really dunno
whye loving is so hurtful?
ray ng jia wei, please die to the corners of earth
lai bao jian you too

whye i aint the lucky one?
lucky? yeah lucky i hate luck

having a bad day today, haiz
i mean, what is wrong?
hurtful till i cannot stop tearing
i hate myself
when should i die?
now? few years later? i dunwan to live anymore
whye to love and to be loved is so difficult?

钟幸霖你早点死吧
这世界不是你这种笨蛋属于的地方
我恨死你了

2010-08-29T23:38:00.002+08:00

idk but i feel asif you are angry with me =x
isit? i... sense negativeness in your tone of speech..
haiz sorry i am obsessed with the auditionSEA thing
and couldnt be there for you

2010-08-28T23:06:00.000+08:00

i wonder, whye

i try be understand to my friends

and they forget i am a emokia

and i know how to emo too

2010-08-28T04:10:00.000+08:00

when finding couple today
got 1 person asked me
what type of guy would u fall in love with..

a guy that is abit 大男人
  cuz i actually quite 小女人.
a guy that can let me trust him completely
  cuz my trust has been betrayed alot of times.
a guy that is music talented
  cuz my favourite is music.
a guy that is very thoughtful deep inside
  cuz i like deep thinkers, they can know
  what am i thinking cuz im easy to understand.
a guy that has hot passion in his dreams
  cuz this type guy really very attractive to me =p.
a guy who is demanding in the right ways
  cuz i know that that is a way of care and concern.
a guy who is sensitive to things and easy get jealous
  cuz i know i'll scared i lose him,
  and will be more careful to do the right things.
a guy who i known that will tell me things truthfully and automatically
  cuz im not those who will question things.
a guy who is semi initiative
  cuz idk how to take initiative.
a guy who i think is special
  cuz he would mean the world to me.

i didnt know xavier and brenda broke up
i mean.. wow... i dun nid hate him, i dun nid make revenge
and revenge came to his doorstep.. and i.. feel refreshed
well.. everytime go alamak.. he will pretend he is ian when i know he is xavier
and.. well sometimes i dun have the mood to talk to him
but this time i did.. well.. to look back
i dun hate my exs... and even i got 20+ ex.. i only say i have 4
becuz 4 of them.. were really someone who i could have died for
i dun hate them, becuz if i said i hate them..
i would have never loved them before
and i dun hate them, becuz i hate myself
i hate myself to be not their standard.
i hate myself to not be good enough for them.

2010-08-27T01:38:00.002+08:00

i wonder
how much do i really love my family
the mention of bad things can bring me to tears
but i hate the nagging and want things my way
is that what you call immature?
family lidat oso so childish?
father run with another women when i pri4(10yrs old)
mother now having cancer, spread until bones, not much time left
grandmother having 老人痴呆 and diabetes,
maybe going another side soon
aunt side owe ppl alot money
i really dunwan become orphan
but i very 不懂事. i also dunno what can wake me up
i really cannot stand the thought of mum leaving
now she in HK taking care granny
but if 1 day, she not in HK but somewhere else
where would that leave me? where would i go?
what will happen to me? what will i do?
what should i do? what could i do?
even people are telling me to cherish..
but somehow, i still can find ways to 顶嘴 with mum.
haiz. i sucks
i realise i never suffered a set back
i have such a beautiful life
my mum protected me so much
my sis, my granny my aunt, every single relative
i wonder, so much love i took from them
what did i gave them
grey hairs, raised blood pressure, anger
my mum looked at my palms before
said i was those to eat alot hardship
maybe, this hardship life is going to step in soon, idk?

明知道我不会是你会喜欢的类型
为什么我还要坚持下去？
我因该放弃吗？